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Godsmacked in Emerald
I was walking around Emerald with my can hook and spotter/bag lady when I was "Godsmacked." The can hook is a golf ball retriever I never had to use anyway. I uncoiled the wire cup and put a hook on the end so that I can pick beer cans out of the ditch and bushes without leaving the road. Mom helps spot the cans and holds the bag. I have just recently become a hooker when I realized all this money laying beside the road will help cushion the coming hit on my bank account by our increased taxes.
On this occasion being "Godsmacked" was suddenly having an idea that is so extraordinary it was as if God smacked the side of my head with a fresh wild Pacific salmon, if there are any. My idea was so brilliant I even thought I should run for mayor until I regained my senses a split second later. During our walk it occurred to me that our muni should charge a deposit on dog shit. No, wait! This is a deadly serious win, win, win plan, the kind politicians love, the first one in years that will bring in cash.
When a dog owner buys a licence for their dog they are also charged $365, one for each daily dump for the year. One of their dog's dumps is weighed and a DNA sample is taken to catch cheaters. If the dog's dump is a pounder for example, the owner would need to take 365 pounds of their dog's shit to the composter at the transfer station to get a refund of their deposit.
Here are the win, win, wins. The muni invests the deposits, sells the compost and uses the money to get us out of "deep shit." Picking up the dog shit would save our environment from dogs like we saved a small part of it from ourselves a hundred or so years ago when we began thinking it is a good idea to remove human waste from ditches. My guess is dog owners who now leave their dog's shit beside the road will leave it there no matter what it costs them so cleaning it up would create a couple full time jobs. Just in Emerald there are thousands of dollars worth of dog shit waiting to be picked up. I'd consider the job myself but Mom wouldn't hold the bag.
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