The government of British Columbia, our very own government — though few of us are foolhardy enough to enthusiastically claim ownership — wants to know what we think about speed limits on provincial highways.
Now, admittedly, having the government of B.C. ask me what I think is uncomfortably reminiscent of Lucy holding the football for Charlie Brown and promising not to snatch it away just before he tries to kick it. But like ever-hopeful losers everywhere, I'm willing to fall on my back one more time when the football disappears, or, in this case, the government completely ignores my advice.
Right up front I have to say I'm not optimistic about having any impact. That's because the review is technically limited to rural highway speeds and Whistler isn't on the province's list of places forums will be held. Whatever faint hope we might harbour for a review of speeds on the Sea to Sky Highway falls under the notwithstanding clause, the promise they'll add additional communities as necessary.
There are three reasons I'm suspicious the StoS will be overlooked. First, it's only rural if you believe bears grazing on the highway are as bucolic as cows. Second, revenue from traffic violations on the StoS runs a close second to tax revenue generated by Whistler's tourists themselves as contributors to the province's bottom line.
And third? Because the StoS is chock-a-block with the largest collection of unskilled, moronic, simple-minded drivers to be found anywhere outside of Richmond proper. Just sayin'.
How unskilled, moronic and simple-minded, I hear you ask? Let me cull the collection of I-can't-believe-anyone-is-this-dumb experiences I've chalked up over the years and tell you one that tests my dexterity by making me rub my belly, laugh and scratch my head at the same time.
A guy walks into Creekside guest relations where I'm working and says, "Someone's car hit me in the parking lot."
"You hurt?" I asked.
"Let me rephrase," he replied. "I meant to say someone's car hit my car."
I was about to launch into an explanation of how we — WB — weren't really responsible for parking lot accidents when he stopped me before I began by motioning outside and saying, "You've got to see this."
At the time, Creekside was about to embark on its rebuild. There was some parking on a slope. People parked sideways to the slope and that's where this gentleman had left his car. Unfortunately, the guy who parked next to him on the uphill side had miraculously driven from Vancouver to Whistler in a car with tires that had no tread. By no tread, I'm not exaggerating. No tread.
Having made it successfully to Creekside and parked, the warming temperatures of spring did the rest of the job. When the snow warmed enough to raise a little meltwater, his parked car slid sideways into the hapless guest's car beside it.
Generally, when people come in and relate a tale of woe, I'm pretty good at maintaining a professional, your-concerns-are-my-concerns, demeanour. But when I saw what had happened and why, I busted out laughing. Fortunately, so did the guy whose car had been customized on the passenger's side.
We called a tow truck to yank the treadless car off the innocent one and gave passing thought to leaving it near the dumpster but instead wedged it into a spot the owner would be unable to get out of without coming in and seeing us.
People like that are why I'm not in favour of higher speed limits. They are numerous and they drive among us.
Having said that, my own love of speed is a mitigating factor. The only thing better than driving fast is driving fast on a twisty road, carving turns with the same feeling I might get from well-tuned skis on soft-packed powder. The only thing better than that is doing it in a car that handles well and goes like stink. And the only thing better than that is doing it in a car that handles well and goes like stink knowing all the police for miles around are tied up because somebody called in an anonymous terrorist threat. Don't ask me how I know about that last one.
But speed limits on the StoS are a joke. Especially compared with other, "rural" roads in the province, notably highways 97 and 5. Many stretches of both are two-lane with 100km/h speed limits. Both are heavily travelled by big trucks driven by aggressive drivers who roundly ignore the posted limit and seem intent on running your pokey ass into a ditch if you're silly enough to abide by it.
After spending $600 million "upgrading" the StoS though, we wind up with the absurdity of 60km/h limits through Lion's Bay where, admittedly, driving any faster might wake up the drivers who live there. The various entrances and exits through Lions Bay are built with plenty of room to get on and off the highway safely. Yet, the speed limit is the same as it is through Whistler with what amount to residential intersections from Alta Lake Road to Emerald. It isn't for no reasons most drivers ignore the posted speed in sleepy Lions Bay.
The most egregious stretch of the StoS, though, is at Whistler Olympic Park. With two lanes each way and the only straight section from Vancouver to Whistler, the posted speed is 80km/h, about the speed road bikers were travelling during Ironman. It reminds me uncomfortably of speed traps in small southern towns in the U.S. Coupled with the RCMP's ability to confiscate vehicles without due process if they're doing 40km/h over the limit; it makes that stretch an embarrassing revenue generator and tourist trap.
Frankly, though, rather than focusing on speed limits, I'd vastly prefer the province spend some energy on improving drivers' skill. Anyone with half a brain and the ability to distinguish D from R can pass the provincial driver's test. Mastering how to make a car move forward and stop is to driving what understanding how chess pieces move is to playing that game. Yet, that's about all you need to accomplish to get a ticket to drive on any highway in the land. The only hope we have for improving the safety of highways lies in improving the people driving — and I use the word loosely — on them.
So frankly, I don't really care what the province does with speed limits. The number on the sign isn't going to change the quality of drivers and will only marginally change the speed at which they travel. There will still be people whizzing past me and I will still take advantage of the opportunity to let them drive point and get the ticket; I'll be the guy behind them calculating how much I can save by buying a better radar detector.
