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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Back in the 1920s, the governor of Texas was determined to forbid the teaching of foreign languages in public schools. To bolster her case, she called on the Bible. "If English was good enough for Jesus Christ," she said, "it's good enough for us." She was dead serious. I suspect you may soon have to deal with that kind of garbled thinking, Aries. And it may be impossible to simply ignore it, since the people wielding it may have some influence on your life. So what's the best way to deal with it? Here's what I advise: Be amused. Quell your rage. Stay calm. And methodically gather the cool, clear evidence about what is really true.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): A few weeks ago, the principal at a school in Bellingham, Washington announced that classes would be cancelled the next day. What was his rationale? A big storm, a bomb threat, or an outbreak of sickness? None of the above. He decided to give students and teachers the day off so they could enjoy the beautiful weather that had arrived. I encourage you to make a similar move in the coming days, Taurus. Take an extended Joy Break — maybe several of them. Grant yourself permission to sneak away and indulge in spontaneous celebrations. Be creative as you capitalize profoundly on the gifts that life is offering you.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In Japan it's not rude to slurp while you eat your ramen noodles out of a bowl. That's what the Lonely Planet travel guide told me. In fact, some Japanese hosts expect you to make sounds with your mouth; they take it as a sign that you're enjoying your meal. In that spirit, Gemini, and in accordance with the astrological omens, I encourage you to be as inhibited as you dare this week — not just when you're slurping your noodles, but in every situation where you've got to express yourself uninhibitedly in order to experience the full potential of the pleasurable opportunities. As one noodle-slurper testified: "How can you possibly get the full flavor if you don't slurp?"

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Here's a thought from philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein: "A person will be imprisoned in a room with a door that's unlocked and opens inwards as long as it does not occur to him to pull rather than push that door." I'd like to suggest that his description fits you right now, Cancerian. What are you going to do about it? Tell me I'm wrong? Reflexively agree with me? I've got a better idea. Without either accepting or rejecting my proposal, simply adopt a neutral, open-minded attitude and experiment with the possibility. See what happens if you try to pull the door open.


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