ARIES (March 21-April 19): The title of this week's movie is "Uproar of Love," starring the Fantasy Kid and The Most Feeling Machine In The World. It blends romance and science fiction, with overtones of espionage and undertones of revolution for the hell of it. Comic touches will slip in at unexpected moments. When you're not up to your jowls in archetypes, you might be able to muster the clarity to gorge yourself on the earthly delights that are spread from here to the edge of the abyss.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): How's your relationship with your muse? Don't tell me that you're not an artist so you don't have a muse. Even garbage collectors need muses. Even farmers. Even politicians. All of us need to be in touch with a mysterious, tantalizing source of inspiration that teases our sense of wonder and goads us on to life's next adventures. So I ask you again: What have you and your muse been up to lately? I say it's high time for you to infuse your connection with a dose of raw mojo. And if for some sad reason you don't have a muse, I urge you to go out in quest of new candidates. (P.S. A muse isn't necessarily a person; he or she might also be an animal, an ancestor, a spirit, or a hero.)
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Funky pagan scientists at Zen State University have found that the regular consumption of Free Will Astrology can be effective in smoothing unsightly wrinkles on your attitude, scouring away stains on your courage, and disposing of old garbage stuck to your karma. They've also gathered testimony from people who claim to have experienced spontaneous healings of nagging ailments and chronic suffering while under the influence of these oracles. If I were you, I'd try to take advantage of such benefits right now. You could really use some healing. Luckily, it looks like there'll be an array of other curative options available to you as well. Be aggressive about seeking them out.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Given the lush and exotic astrological factors now coming to bear on your destiny, and due to the possibility that something resembling actual magic may soon make an appearance, I am taking a leap of faith with this week's horoscope. Are you game? There is a hypothetical scene described by the English poet Samuel Coleridge (1772-1834) that would normally be too outlandish to take seriously, but I suspect it's a possible match for your upcoming adventures. "What if you slept," he wrote, "and what if in your sleep you dreamed, and what if in your dream you went to heaven and there you plucked a strange and beautiful flower, and what if when you awoke you had the flower in your hand? Ah, what then?"
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