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Peter and Erika Durlacher — weathering Alzheimer's storm

"Love is a friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowance for human weakness.
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"Love is a friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowance for human weakness."

- Ann Landers

They were both Austrian immigrants. She was a young widow with two toddlers. He was a fortysomething bachelor. She volunteered her time at the local community centre taking kids on mountain hikes around the Lower Mainland. He was a founding member of the legendary Tyrol Club, a ski instructor at Mt. Seymour and an accomplished mountaineer. It was a match made in alpine heaven. Still, they had to meet first. And when that finally happened at the Vancouver social club they both belonged to... well, let's just say it didn't take long for the two strangers to find common ground.

"I was working in the kitchen," recounts Erika Durlacher. "That's what you did in a small club like ours — everyone pitched in and helped." She stops. Gathers her thoughts. "So yes, I was in the kitchen that evening. And the band was playing and I loved to dance, and Peter loved to dance too. We had a great time..." She let's the end of the sentence drift a little. Smiles. "He was older than me, of course," she continues. "But I didn't really think about that. We were just having fun."

So much fun, in fact, that Erika made a fateful decision that evening. "I said to him: I'm taking some local families on a mountain hike tomorrow. If you want to come and guide us, you're welcome to do so." Another pause. "And he took me up on my offer. And, of course, he was a hit with everyone there — the ultimate sportsman, you know, the kind gentleman who takes care of all the kiddies."

It was August of 1977. Erika was barely into her thirties at that point — vivacious, attractive, smart... and leading a totally independent life as a single mum. It's not like she needed another husband; she was doing just fine on her own. But men like Peter Durlacher, she quickly realized, didn't come around all that often. And the friendship flourished.

"I remember one day," she says, "when my son asked Peter to attend one of his soccer games. 'I need a daddy,' he said. 'Will you be my daddy?'" A few beats go by. She takes a trembly breath. And another. But she doesn't cry. "That was so touching," she says, her voice steady now. "And Peter was so good with the kids. And we all got along so nicely together. And, well... that's how it all started."

Peter and Erika were married in May of '78. "We've been together ever since," she adds. "And he's been a wonderful husband and father. Peter, you see, always had a quiet and gentle manner. And he still has a quiet, gentle manner." Her tone changes, becomes darker. "But the doctors... they tell me I can't even count on that anymore..."

Everyone knows the Durlacher Hof. Located just off the highway on Nesters Road, the Inn's distinctive Tyrolean lines and impeccably maintained grounds have become something of a Whistler landmark. Owned and operated by Peter and Erika for the last quarter-century — "we bought the land just after Expo '86," Erika tells me, "and with the help of friends in the trades we built the actual chalet in less than six months!" — the success of Durlacher Hof was predicated on an old school idea: providing friendly, mountain-style hospitality with a personal flair.

And it worked. It was never easy, says Erika. And the workload took up an inordinate amount of their time. Still, it allowed the couple to lead the kind of outdoor lifestyle that both enjoyed. That is, until Peter fell ill in 2006. Then it became a chore. "I still host a few guests," says Erika. "But now it's mostly to fulfill contracts with longtime associates. It's just too big a job to do by myself. And with Peter needing more and more attention...." She sighs. "Sometimes it's embarrassing, you know. It's hard in public when other people don't really understand what's going on with him. But I've gotten over that." She shrugs. Sighs. "People need to understand — life doesn't always turn out the way you want it to."

I know it's hard for Erika to talk about this. Every story — every personal anecdote she recounts — is like another arrow straight to the heart. A wrenching reminder of how much she's lost; how much she's losing every day. "Nobody could have told me what it was going to be like," she confides. "It still shocks me now to see how quickly it changed our lives."

She desperately wants me to understand just how terrible a disease this is. "Do you remember when your children were really young," she asks. I nod. "Do you remember how excited you were watching them develop new skills — you know, learning a new word, taking their first step — and how happy you felt to see how every day they gained more confidence?" I nod again.

"Well now," she says, "it's the complete reverse of that. Poor Peter is making that journey backwards. Each day something disappears from his life. Each day he loses another memory, another skill. And each day he becomes less confident in himself." She stops. Sighs again. "It's devastating some days. It's so hard to watch such a strong capable man transformed into a helpless child... and to know I can't do anything about it... it's just too cruel!"

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Alzheimer's. For some it's merely a joke-word — a way to tease friends about defective memories or lost keys. "Hey — you suffering from Alzie's or something?" But for many more, it's a very real scourge... a vicious, sadistic killer. According to one of the many websites on the subject, this mysterious degenerative condition "is now the second-most feared disease among Canadian baby boomers and will rapidly become an epidemic as the largest age group in our population approaches the age of 65 this year." Yikes! And there's more. "One in three Canadians," it continues, "already knows someone with Alzheimer's disease or other dementias. You may even know someone yourself."

Scary statistics. For sure. But even scarier for Whistlerites — given how our little town is so overwhelmingly populated by said boomers. Can you imagine what this place might look like in fifteen years if the worse comes to pass and Alzheimer's does manage to sink its hooks deep into the Pepsi Generation? Could be very ugly...

The stark reality of Alzheimer's destructive powers (and its potential impact on Whistler society) is almost too terrible to contemplate. Still, you can't ignore it. Indeed, there are ways you can help. And you should help! As that same website explains: "Though Alzheimer's disease was first diagnosed over 100 years ago, it's only been in the past 10 years that significant medical advances have been made in understanding this disease. It's critical to keep the momentum of research, support and education."

For example, you might consider supporting Team Whistler Durlacher — Erika, son Ken, daughter Kim, grandchildren Taylor and Carter, longtime friend Joan Deeks (and others) — this coming weekend as they take part in the 2013 Mt. Kilimanjaro Grouse Grind for Alzheimer's. Bit of a mouthful, eh? Simply put, the Grouse climb is a local fundraiser mirroring the challenge that the (more publicized) Ascent for Alzheimer's team has to face on the fabled African peak during the same time period. In other words: it takes seven laps up Grouse to equal one ascent of Kilimanjaro, so if you have seven members on your team, that's one Grind each. Fewer members on the team mean that you and/or your teammates are in for multiple trips. Get it?

"I really wanted to go to Africa and do the Kilimanjaro ascent this year," reveals Erika. "And I wanted my daughter Kim to go with me. But she was just too busy with work and studies and couldn't spare the time. So I asked myself: 'what could we do instead?" As you might have surmised by now, Erika is no shrinking violet. And when she sets her mind on something...

"So I started doing a little research," she says, "That's when I heard about the Grouse event running in tandem with the Kilimanjaro climb. It was close to home, not too extreme... and very relevant to Peter's early skiing and climbing adventures on the North Shore Mountains. I figured it was perfect for us. So I talked to the kids about it and they agreed." She smiles. "So we're all doing it together as a family project. You can come out on Sunday and cheer us on if you want." She laughs. "We even have a top-flight support crew. You see, our good friend Isobel MacLaurin has volunteered to stay with Peter at the top." She lets a beat go by. Her eyes gleam with mischief. "And with Izzie on our team, one thing's for sure: we won't be short on laughter."

If you're interested in helping (or even joining) Team Whistler Durlacher click on this site: http://my.e2rm.com/personalPage.aspx?SID=3902287&LangPref=en-CA. It will explain everything.