What not to do for New Year's Eve 

One more pique guide before the year is through

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New Year's Eve can be a memorable night, full of hugs and laughs and good cheer culminating in a festive explosion of confetti and paper hats come midnight.

But, with all the hype and booze associated with the holiday, it can also lead to disaster. We've published a list on the previous page of ways to spend your night. Here's a companion list of five things not to do, to ensure that your memories are only (or mostly) positive come Jan. 1.

Make last minute plans

This is your warning. This issue of Pique hits news stands on Thursday, Dec. 29. You have two days to make plans, which might already be too late for the really good parties. But this is Whistler we're talking about, the town of delayed decision-making. But this is also New Year's Eve, the one time of year events actually sell out en masse.

Our point is, make a plan. Be the one to make the plan, if you think you're group can't pull it together. Yes, you reading this right now. Start calling around. We have a full list of ideas published in this here paper. Get on it, lest you be one of the dozens waiting outside Maxx Fish in the bitter cold cursing yourself for not thinking ahead.

But make darn sure that the party you're heading to is a good one because you'll have better luck discovering plutonium in your basement than finding a cab in Whistler on New Year's. Once you're there, you better be prepared to stay there.

Kiss strangers

Unless, of course, they want you too. We know that everyone should have someone to mash faces with as the clock strikes midnight but do not take it on yourself, no matter what kind of Casanova you think you are, to pick faces willy-nilly and thrust yourself forward. I've seen this happen to very negative results. Faces get slapped by offended women. Ribs get kicked by beleaguered boyfriends. Bewildered men get...ah, I'm not kidding anyone. Men will kiss anything.

Our advice is to stake out the party upon entry and find an eligible face in which to mash. Lay the groundwork early. I won't get into how to do that here — entire books have been written on the subject. Go read one and then put the methods into practice so that when midnight rolls around, your lips aren't kissing the open air while all those around you have discovered new pieces of gum to chew on come 12:02 a.m.

Spend it alone

New Year's is overrated. Yeah, yeah. Tell us something we don't know. What's the point, you might be asking, of getting all dolled up to spend a bunch of money, holler a hearty "Happy New Year!" and potentially have no one to make out with (see above) only to pass out at 3:30 a.m. with an empty wallet and a hangover matched only by the New Year's previous?

There isn't really, I suppose. But, being the bookend of the holiday season, New Year's Eve is about spending time with the people you love. It's about ringing in a brand new calendar year, for what that's worth, with the very same people who helped make this year what it shaped up to be...for whatever that's worth.

The point is humbuggery extends beyond Christmas. Find some friends and spend New Year's with them. Stay at home if you don't want to drink. Watch movies or bake cookies. Just make sure you do it with some people.

Because ultimately no one wants to start their own new year by hearing your story about how you watched an entire season of Battlestar Galactica while snacking on a batch Pillsbury Easy Pudding Cookies you made yourself. That'd be a bummer for everyone concerned.

Drugs (particularly cocaine)

Don't do it. Even if some one offers it to you for free and all the prettiest girls and boys are doing it. We say to them as well, "Don't do it." They'll dupe your rational self into thinking that heading to another after party at 5 a.m. is a good idea. It's not. Nothing good ever happens after 5 a.m. (Not that we know anything about that...)

Call your crush at midnight

I spent New Year's Eve 2008-2009 in New York at a trendy bar in the East Village. It was a fabulous time but sometime around midnight I made a call to the girl I was crushing on, for no other reason than to show that, no matter where in the world I was, I'd always offer the appropriate salutation depending on the holiday. We talked for, like, 10 minutes. I can't remember what the hell we talked about but chances are it was inane. I'd find out later the call cost me around $45, with roaming charges and so on. My crush started dating another guy around this same time, so all I got for my money was a foggy memory. You've been warned.


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