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Mr. Gord Nixon

CEO, Royal Bank

Gold Towers, Toronto

Dear Gord:

Sorry about the gas I passed; spring radishes always have that effect on me. Of course, I didn't realize you were right behind me. If you'd have let me know, I might have been more discrete.

But it does raise an interesting point, doesn't it? Pardon the acronym but WTF are you doing back there anyway? You're hiding? From what? Oh, your own duplicity. Well, listen Gord — you don't mind if I call you Gord, do you? You always seemed to want to foster that just-one-of-the-boys image, soften your million-dollar-a-month reality of being CEO of Canada's largest bank — I'd just as soon you didn't hide behind me. I think it's kind of, how should I put this, chickenshit. Yes, that seems like the best term.

You see, I do own shares of Royal Bank stock. Got some of them when I worked there, picked up a few more along the way. Nice stock for the most part, love the dividends, helps offset the sting of service fees and such. But here's the point, Gord. When you, or your PR hacks — more about them later — talk about doing things like screwing over Canadian workers on behalf of your shareholders, I'm wondering which shareholders you're talking about. Certainly not me. Nor quite a few others I know either.

Don't get me wrong, Gord. I'm all for increasing shareholder value. But, frankly, there are good ways to do that and there are bad ways. A good way is to, for example, not make bad loans like the bank did back in the day when the International Division, the one I worked for, thought you couldn't go wrong lending money to Brazil. Boy, that took a long time to work out, didn't it? Oh yeah, that was before your time. I forgot, you parachuted in from Dominion Securities and brought your trader mentality with you, not that there's anything wrong with that.

By contrast, a bad way of increasing shareholder value is to throw Canadians out of work and send the work they used to do to, say, India. Not to put you on the spot, Gord, but how much did the Royal Bank make last year out of their operations in India? Zero? Yeah, that's what I thought. Not a lot of depositors in India, are there? Not a lot of Indians doing business with RBC Capital Markets or Direct Investing? Not lots of mortgages, service fees, RRSPs?

So, Gord, when you and your lackeys say you're screwing over your workers by — did I really hear this right? — forcing them to train their offshore replacements who will do their job for a fraction of what they're making and then put them out of the same job they just trained them to do — and then you have the stones to say you're doing it to enhance shareholder value, well, I'm one shareholder who calls bullshit. Getting too scatological, Gord? Sorry 'bout that but it's how you're making me feel. I'm not enough of a shitheel to do that to anyone and, frankly, I'm surprised you are.

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