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Pique n' your interest

Time for flu shots

So I’m writing this Pique N Yer Interest with an aching left arm and a churning stomach. My head hurts, I feel weak and every so often a chill creeps over my body, making me shudder uncontrollably.

True enough, it’s early Wednesday morning at the Pique, which means it’s deadline day. It also means I worked late last night, ate McDonald’s on the way home, haven’t been to the gym for four days, and am generally stressed out about all the work I have to get done in the next 10 hours. In other words, it’s a typical Wednesday.

This column was actually supposed to be handed in for editing yesterday but I scrapped every idea I started – welcoming new employees, going to the pantomime, Christmas traditions – and now I’m even more behind in my work than usual. The result is that I’ve resorted to writing about... the flu shot.

It’s a timely piece, even though it hasn’t been handed in on time.

I got my flu shot yesterday, along with most of the other members of the Pique staff.

Apparently there’s no live virus in the flu shot so it will not cause influenza and so I really shouldn’t be experiencing any of the above symptoms.

The only side effect should be soreness at the injection site, which explains my aching left arm but does not account for the chills, weakness and queasy stomach. I feel terrible.

Could my mind be playing tricks with me? Would I be feeling this badly if someone came into the office and announced they were whisking me off to Hawaii for two weeks to learn how to surf? I can pretty much guarantee that I would be rushing home, throwing my clothes in my suitcase, preparing a celebratory margarita and sitting impatiently in the car with nary a thought to the impending illness.

Would I be feeling this badly if I suddenly had to do a story on zip trekking or bungee jumping? I can pretty much guarantee that I would be the first one volunteering for the job, putting my jacket, toque and gloves on and marching out the door, without a memory of my recent complaints.

They say it’s not the flu shot causing these symptoms and as terrible as I feel, I’m inclined to believe them. I think my mind is playing tricks.

So I decided to learn a little about the serum that was just injected into my arm yesterday. God forbid that I should actually research it before I bared my arm and put all my trust in the nurse.

Flu vaccines have been around since the 1940s. In the 2000-01 seasons 10 million doses of flu vaccine were distributed in Canada. Once we’re injected our immune systems produce antibodies that stops the virus from infecting our cells. By all accounts it works, which explains why so many people get injected every year.

The last time I was seriously infected with the flu virus was about four years ago. It was two days before Christmas and I had half a day’s work to get through before power shopping for all my Christmas presents. I felt fine in the morning, looking forward to my two-week vacation.

At noon my best friend picked my up and we were off to the mall. Thirty minutes later I was near tears, every bone in my body crying out in pain. I had never felt so ill. Like this morning, I tried to rationalize the symptoms.

Would I be feeling this badly if I didn’t have to spend the next four hours wandering around the mall in a rising panic, trying to find the perfect presents? Would I be feeling this badly if someone offered me a trip to Hawaii? (That’s my general benchmark question for measuring illness.)

Alas, my mind was not playing tricks on me. I was sick. Feeling very sorry for myself I crawled into bed and began making my demands in my most pathetic voice. "Yes please I’ll have a cup of tea." "Yes please I’ll have another blanket." "Yes please I’ll have the remote control."

The next day, by sheer willpower, I dragged myself out of bed to the Eaton Centre with six magical Advil’s making my body numb.

I now recommend that everyone do their Christmas shopping as the flu plays havoc in your body. Suddenly the perfect presents didn’t seem all that essential. Perfume for mum, CD for brother and dad, well, he got the brunt of my flu shopping with a new tie. It may have even had polka dots. I don’t remember. He certainly never wore it.

An hour later I was back in bed and wasn’t so polite with my demands this time around.

Christmas day rolled around and it was worse. Coughing, headache, fever, chills, watery eyes, sneezing... well, you all know the drill.

And worst of all I had passed it on to my dad, my most loyal caretaker over the past couple of days, the only one who stood by me when my demands turned to the ridiculous.

We were so sick that we didn’t even open presents. We didn’t go to church and we didn’t go to my aunt’s cottage for Christmas dinner. In fact, the two of us were left behind while the rest of the family enjoyed themselves. We each had a couch in the family room, a mountain of blankets and in our more lucid moments we helped each other out with a Neocitron or two. Imagine dining on Neocitron when everyone else was scarfing down turkey, stuffing and all the rest of it. We were too sick to care.

The worst part of all is that I bounced back from the flu in a matter of days – nothing was going to stop me from missing the New Year’s Eve party. It took my dad a little longer, with a cough that lingered for weeks after. Every time his throat tickled I was wracked with pangs of guilt for my youth and health.

Turns out now at the end of the article, I don’t feel so badly anymore. Nothing could be as bad as that Christmas flu. So get your flu shot. Do everything you can not to get sick this year – wash you hands, drink lots of fluids, rest. Oh, and another surefire remedy, spend lots of time snowboarding and skiing, it’ll do wonders for your health!