Movie theatre etiquette
Time for school people, todays lesson: Movie Theatre Etiquette, How To Avoid Being Regulated Or Shanked In The Throat.
Lesson one: Dont talk during the movie.
Lesson two: Dont talk during the movie. Dont talk during the opening credits, dont talk at all. Shut your hole and watch the movie; you paid for it. Some people take movies very seriously. Do I come and yap in your ear when youre reading a book or when youre in bed screwing? No. So please, I implore you, dont talk during the movie. Talking during the previews is bad enough, but Ill let that slide because Im a nice guy.
Lesson three: When you walk into a nearly empty theatre, dont sit in front of someone and ruin their view. Youll get yelled at if youre lucky, smacked if youre not.
Lesson four: After the movie, just take your garbage right out with you and chuck it in the bin thats conveniently placed two inches outside the theatre door. Yes, I know they hire people to clean up but imagine how happy those people would be if just once the theatre was already clean? Seriously, dont be so lazy, help a person out once in a while. All right, Im glad we had this talk. Class dismissed.
Opening at the Village Eight this week is Gothika , starring Oscar-winner Halle Berry as a brilliant criminal psychiatrist who, one night, encounters a creepy female ghost and wakes up three days later in a world of shit. Apparently shes killed her husband and is locked up in the same psycho prison she works at. Of course everyone thinks shes crazy and no one will listen. Isnt it ironic?
The movie, directed by Mathieu Kassovitz, is stylistically and technically sound. Cool editing techniques and special effects work to enforce the theme of science versus the supernatural. The acting is good, Penelope Cruz delivers as a nutcase who claims to be routinely raped by the devil. And not as good, Halle Berry cries and bags on plexi-glass a lot. Gothika borrows ideas from almost all the best horror movies and although the story gets worse as it goes, the end result contains at least a few startling moments. Worth it, I guess.
Also dropping this week is Dr. Seuss The Cat in the Hat starring nobody you really care about and Mike Myers as, The Cat. Myers is hit and miss, So I Married an Axe Murderer ? Hit. The stupid, sappy, and simply crappy View from the Top ? Miss. He seems to recycle a lot of his comedy and hope no one notices. Sometimes it works, but not this time. There are funny bits in this movie theres so many jokes that some have to work but the zany, rhythmic brilliance of Dr. Seuss original story simply isnt here. Just a flashy set design, some comedic improv, and not much else. All in all, The Cat is kind of neutered.
At Village 8: Gothika, Love Actually, Dr. Seuss The Cat in the Hat, Brother Bear, Elf, Looney Tunes, Kill Bill, Matrix Revolutions, Master and Commander. Starting Nov. 26: The Haunted Mansion, Timeline, The Missing.
At Rainbow Theatre: School of Rock, Beyond Borders.