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A riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma

Ah, the game's afoot, Watson. This is what we know. Fact: The dreaded asphalt plant, run by the arch villain Morveri has been ordered to cease and desist its operations near the peaceful and bucolic neighbourhood of Cheakamusshire.
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Ah, the game's afoot, Watson. This is what we know.

Fact: The dreaded asphalt plant, run by the arch villain Morveri has been ordered to cease and desist its operations near the peaceful and bucolic neighbourhood of Cheakamusshire.

Fact: After exhaustive undercover work by a crack team of forensic investigators from The Hall, led by the keen eye and razor-sharp mind of Inspector Lestone, said operations have been deemed to be operating contrary to the area's zoning. How exhaustive, you ask? It took 14 years to ferret out the true facts of this diabolical case, such is the cleverness of Morveri, an adversary like no other.

Fact: Morveri has been given until May 13 to give himself up to... no, to cease and desist his mad production of plutonium-enriched asphalt.

Fact: Morveri, clever devil that he is, has replied, "Catch me if you can, Lestone. I've been doing this with the full acquiescence and/or total disinterest of The Boys at The Hall all along." The apple appears to be mushy to the core, Watson.

Fact: Though totally irrelevant to the case, it nonetheless bears mentioning the once highly-coveted market garden homes in Cheakamusshire have failed to draw the interest of potential buyers, thus leaving The Hall - and all the innocent bystanders who rely on its crackerjack expertise in such affairs - in an uncomfortable financial position. Is this too the work of the dastardly Morveri and his noxious fumes? It is, perhaps too early in the investigation to draw conclusions with any certainty. However....

What we don't know, the details eluding discovery, are what real journalists call the who and why, two of the five Ws forming, not unlike a pentangle, the foundation of their ancient, mysterious craft.

Who changed his mind? When last this investigation stalled, three of the Wise Men running Whistlershire favoured smoking the villainous Morveri out of his fortified lair. Since this whole affair seems to be taking place behind a veil of secrecy, let's just call them Wynken, Blynken, and Nod. But who of the four remaining Wise Men changed their mind? Hah, it is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma: but perhaps there is a key. Was it not the Zeidlerzee who joined Wynken, Blynken and Nod in their flanking manoeuvre to block The Hall's annual contract to Morveri to cover the lands of Whistlershire in smooth, plutonium-enriched asphalt? Yes, I think it was. And what can we deduce from this fact, Watson. Hah, correct. Nothing.

But nonetheless, interesting it remains. Cloaked in secrecy spun by the inner sanctum, even though it seems not to fall under any of the generally accepted reasons for secrecy, save for the very delightful game of Stump the Chump, all lips are sealed. Does it touch on the award of a monetary contract? Negative. A matter of personnel? No! So why the impenetrable darkness? I'm stumped; quick, Watson, the needle.

Even more murky is the question of why. Why, after a charade of some 18 months, a show of pomposity, of intolerance, of derision and dismissiveness, why now? What new evidence has come to light to change the mind(s) and fortunes of this game of brinkmanship? What surge of fortitude has forced the descent of testesness? What, whose, stones have finally been turned?

Yes, Watson, it reminds me of the Case of the Unexpected Marriage some time ago. You remember that one. After years of public pronouncements of how beneficial the spirited competition between the fiefdoms of the family Houssian and clan of Young were for the fortunes of Whistlershire, the two laid down their arms and embraced each other, claiming competition was bad, cooperation good. As I recalled it sparked that scoundrel Orwell to write that dastardly book, you know the one, had that famous quotation... how did that go? Ah yes, "War is peace, freedom is slavery, ignorance is strength." That last clause may well have been adopted by the wise ones as their rallying cry, eh old boy?

How's that? Perhaps you're right. The more pertinent quote may well be, "In the end the Party would announce that two and two made five, and you would have to believe it. It was inevitable that they should make that claim sooner or later: the logic of their position demanded it. Not merely the validity of experience, but the very existence of external reality was tacitly denied by their philosophy."

Well, old boy, I fear we'll have to wait and wait and wait for the outcome of this case. Morvari is a worthy adversary; we can only hope we hire better barristers than the knave who handled, er, failed to handle the Rainbow case. Of one thing I am certain: we've not seen the last of Morveri yet, nor, I fear, have we inhaled the last of his noxious fumes in the fair land of Cheakamusshire.

 

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In a very real way, this rapid change of fortunes and minds in Tiny Town seems to parallel that of Diamond Jack's rabble-rousing party of New Democrats. Knocking now at the gates of the Official Opposition - sunk low by the absence of charisma and, well, the absence from both Canada and Parliament of Iggy Pop - Jack's unlikely surge in Quebec and elsewhere may be the force Darth Harper never saw coming.

We can only hope.

Canada's very flawed first-past-the-post system of electing representative(sic) parliamentarians favours the morally bankrupt Harperites return to another blundering minority government. But with a strong show that knocks the Liberals-in-name-only down to third place, DJ will have accomplished two things far more important than winning the top spot in question period. A showing like that will be the death knell for both Harpo and Iggy.

I don't suspect the ProgCons will pony up a leader with any better grasp of the meaning of progressive but seeing the backside of Pudge will bring blessed relief. He's pooched the economy, raised Canada's international profile as both war monger and environmental criminal and brought the country as close as I hope it ever comes to aping the failed social and economic policies of our close friends south of the border.

And while I well remember the horror of waking up on September 7, 1990, to discover the minority government Bob Rae had when I went to bed the night before had morphed into an unexpected majority in the Ontario provincial election, nothing like that is even remotely in play in this election. So I'd consider a strong NDP showing being a gift from the gods.

Elections are run to be won and lost though and the only really important effort is the one made by you and me. Get out and vote on Monday. Staying home is the option of the terminally ignorant. Don't be that person.