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Dear Santa;

Pique Christmas Stories
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The tradition of story telling is stronger at Christmas time than almost any other time of the year. Whether stories are read aloud to family and friends, or alone by the fire with a hot cup of cocoa, it’s an activity all cherish during the holidays. In the spirit of sharing, enjoy these stories written by Pique writers for you.


Happy holidays
from all of us to all of you.

---------------

Dear Santa;

By Andrew Mitchell

Dear Santa;

How are you? I am fine. My name is Mathilda Brown, I'm eight years old and I've been a very good girl this year. I have helped my parents, fed the dog and been kind to others, and I always, always listened to my teacher. This year I would please like the following:

  • EZ Bake Oven and Refill Kit.
  • iPod Touch 5 and App Store gift card for $50.
  • Complete Lemony Snicket: A Series of Unfortunate Events series (hardcover please).
  • New skates.
  • Harry Potter Lego (Hogwarts castle set).
  • DVDs: Brave, How to Tame Your Dragon and Justin Bieber: Never Say Never.

Thanks! I hope the weather is nice at the North Pole.

Sincerely yours,

Mathilda Brown

Dear Mathilda;

Thank you for your letter. My elves and I will do our best to make you some of the items on your wish list in our workshop. Keep up the good deeds and Merry Christmas to you!

Love and Gingerbread,

Santa

Dear Santa;

It's Mathilda again. Mathilda Brown. Eight years old. I must admit that I was a little surprised to read your letter and while I don't want to seem ungrateful, I don't know what you mean by "do our best." To me, that sounds like I'm not getting everything on my list?

Maybe you don't quite understand how good I've been this year. I assure you that I've been very, very good, and I've attached copies of my last three report cards as proof. As you can see I have perfect attendance as well as straight As. Please, please, please try to bring me all of the items on my list (see attached in cased you misplaced my last letter).

Yours sincerely,

Mathilda Brown

Dear Mathilda;

I can see by my magic list up here in The North Pole that you really have been a very good girl this year. But it is quite a long and expensive list and Santa is not made of money or Justin Bieber DVDs. In the Spirit of Christmas, surely we can agree that "it's the thought that counts," and that "'tis better to give than to receive?" Maybe pick three items from your list, and we will try to make those items in our workshop. Stay good! Ho ho ho!

Merrily yours,

Santa Claus

Dear Santa;

You're certainly not making this easy for me. All I'm asking for are items that I feel are justified by my exemplary behavior in the past year.

Last Christmas you gave my brother Ted a new bike ($340 retail) and a Nintendo 3DS ($199 retail), plus other items worth roughly $140. His ski socks alone sell for $22 at the store. I would estimate his total present value was $780 before taxes.

We both know that he was not at all a good boy that year. He pulled the dog's tail, he used a bad word when grandma visited, he broke two of my dolls and drove a very expensive remote controlled car into the creek. He wouldn't go to bed on time, would not eat his vegetables and would not share his Lego with either myself or Molly, our youngest sister.

This year he has been even worse in my opinion (copies of his report cards and letters home from his teacher are attached), and yet he has submitted a list of items I know to be worth over $600 (Xbox 360 and two games, new toboggan, Dr. Who Season 3 on DVD, Hot Wheels Volcano Jumpers and the Star Wars Millennium Falcon Lego set).

In fairness, my sister was also very good last Christmas (though not as good as me), and only received roughly $350 in gifts. Admittedly, all she wanted was a new ballerina costume, some My Little Pony dolls and a guinea pig.

This year I would allow that Molly has been approaching me in goodness, but has only requested three things for Christmas; a Rapunzel sticker book and doll, and a new habitat for Mr. Munchies, her pet guinea pig. Surely that creates some more room in the budget for my requests?

Last year I received roughly half what I asked for with a total value of $520 — at least $260 less than my brother, despite the fact that I was clearly much better behaved. This year, the total value of my list is $595.30 before taxes, based on the Sears catalog value.

I do think it's the thought that counts, but surely there's an issue of fairness here?

The way I see it is that if things were equal then I would have a credit of $230 from last year, not taking into account my behaviour — based on which my brother should probably receive a chunk of coal this year and every year.

Please don't shortchange me.

Yours hopefully,

Mathilda Brown




Dear Mathilda;

Ho Ho Ho! I must say that I was surprised to read your letter, and I compliment you on you arguments. However, I must point out that your numbers are not entirely accurate.

For example, your brother's Christmas haul from last year was increased by the fact that he has a December birthday and he asked to combine his birthday and Christmas presents in order to receive the bike. And while you're accurate in saying that he was not always nice this year or last year, he did earn some additional nice points by shoveling the driveway and front walk with his father every time it snowed — a chore we understand that you refused because, and I quote, "I don't like the sound of the shovel scraping the driveway, it hurts my teeth."

I also feel compelled to point out that you also received a bike on your birthday, having outgrown your old one.

It can be argued that a bike isn't really a present in some ways as it's a necessary form of transport for at least eight more years until you're old enough to drive a car — assuming your parents trust you with one.

I will, however, concede one argument and that's the fact that your sister Molly has received less in the past than you and your brother, and I will remedy that this year by giving her more than she has requested. Her lack of greed and consideration for her guinea pig's happiness — as well as the fact that she asked me to cure grandma's arthritis this year — is an example we all should aspire to. That's the true Spirit of Christmas.

Rest assured that the monetary value of the gifts you all receive from Santa and Elves Incorporated this year and forever will be of roughly the same value.

We at SEI wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Ho ho ho!

Santa Claus

President and Chief Executive Operator, etc., etc.




Dear Santa;

You leave me no choice but to respond. I may have neglected to mention to you in my previous letter that my father is a lawyer, and that I know a few things about justice. Your last letter was most unjust because it overlooks what I see as the most important part of Christmas gifting. And I quote; "He's making a list, he's checking it twice, he's going to find out who's naughty or nice."

Naughty or nice, Mr. Claus. Good or bad. Please check your list a third time if this is the kind of justice I can expect from you.

Surely you can see the contradiction here. One minute you're telling me to be good and the next you're suggesting that behaviour isn't considered when determining the value of presents we receive.

Are you really suggesting that my brother, the cookie thief, and I should receive equal gifts no matter how good or bad we were over the course of the year? Where, I ask you, is the incentive to be good if it has no impact on the quantity or quality of gifts that we receive?

Does anybody even receive coal anymore, or do even the worst among us — like Mark Davies in Third Grade, who pushed me into a mud puddle back in October — get something from your sack? Think of the precedent this sets, not just for children, but also for all of society!

I should also point out that my sister is not the only person in this family who's capable of being selfless. Remember, I was the one who pointed out Molly's selflessness to you in my last letter, even though I knew increasing her gift value could impact the value of my own.

I'm confused, Santa. My friend Megan received an actual pony last year as well as a pile of other stuff although I wouldn't say that she was particularly good — and I've found out since then that ponies cost $2,500, plus $100 per month for the stable. On the other side of the spectrum, my friend Jenny was really good, close to me even, and all she got was one doll and some art stuff. (Rachel didn't get anything at all, although she got eight small presents earlier in the month for some holiday my family doesn't celebrate. What's that about? Are you Santa to every child or only to some of them?)

Can you please be more specific as to what kind of behaviour you expect of me, and outline how behaviour relates to value in Christmas presents?

Yours in confusion,

Mathilda Brown




Dear Mathilda;

After reviewing your letter carefully in our elf legal department, we've decided that you have made some valid points. However, we should point out that goodness is not judged on a sliding scale, and that in our final analysis you can be one of two things: naughty or nice. While your brother can be trying at times, on balance he has been nice enough to get presents. His good outweighs the bad (if only by a little). And while you have most certainly gone out of your way to be a good little girl this year, you have been rewarded in other ways.

For example, your brother was grounded several times last year and missed a very important sleepover, while you had complete freedom and earned things that your brother didn't — like picking what movies to watch and where to eat out for Sunday dinner. Your parents took you out for ice cream to celebrate your report card, and paid to send you on a special class trip to learn French — something your brother most definitely will not get, the way that he's going.

Doing good is it's own reward, Matty, and there are other things to consider than Christmas gifts.

We should also point out that we at Santa and Elves Incorporated don't measure gifts by monetary value, but by their value to that person. For example, Molly would argue that Mr. Munchies, her $35 pet, is worth more than all of your bikes and games and Lego sets combined.

As for your friend's pony, rest assured we'll be having a word with her parents.

Yours jollily,

Santa Claus

Dear Santa;

You seem eerily aware of the inner workings of my family. Suddenly the words "he sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake," seem a little ominous to me. Is our house under surveillance? I think the police and civil liberties association would be very interested to know that.

If you insist on equating my brother's brand of good with my own, or consider the value of the gifts you distribute to be meaningless in real world value, then my hands appear to be tied in this matter. I won't send another letter.

I must warn you, however, that the incentive to be good has been reduced considerably as, by your logic, I only need to be good 51 per cent of the time to qualify for whatever value of gifts you deem is most valuable to me. (Hint: I value an iPod Touch.)

My grades will be kept up as college recruiters seem to value them more than you and your elves for some reason, but I make no promises otherwise.

Regards,

Mathilda Brown

Dear Mathilda;

I believe we have a deal on the iPod Touch and we will try to get a few other items on the list, like the new skates that you need. Hopefully in a few years you'll understand better what we mean by the "Spirit of Christmas," which unfortunately is nothing like the letter of the law.

Please don't forget that Christmas isn't the only reason to be good, and your parents do have the right to punish you or take away privileges as they see fit for bad behaviour, just as they try to reward good behaviour. Set a good example for you're younger brother and sister, and we'll see about rewarding you for that next year. Pretty please? With a candy cane on top?

Merry Christmas, Ho, ho ho, etc.

Santa Claus.




Dear "Santa" if that is your real name. (It isn't — I know!)

The gig is up! I had my suspicions earlier after you used several phrases that my parents often use, like "doing good is it's own reward" and "hopefully in a few years you'll understand better." You sounded like my dad. And how did you know that my nickname was "Matty?"

So I did a little investigating and found my letters upstairs in your sock drawer. Suddenly it all makes sense.

After getting over my initial disappointment, I realized that it's for the best that your secret is out. We both want things — I want the items on my Christmas list, and you want Ted and Sally to continue believing in Santa Claus. Perhaps we can make a deal...

Your move "Santa." You know where to find me...

Matty

Dear Matty;

We knew you were bound to find out eventually, and we thought you might actually have figured things out last year when we left all the price tags on your presents. We're sorry you had to find out this way, but we also won't be blackmailed by our own daughter. Remember, you get what you get, and you don't get upset — and if you tell your brother and sister, we promise you that you'll get even less than that. Santa Claus may not be a real person, but the Spirit of Christmas is real enough. Do the right thing and let your brother and sister enjoy the holiday a few more years, and you'll get some of the items on your list. Do the wrong thing, and well, it's coal for you.

By the way, we both think you'd make an excellent lawyer.

With love,

Mom and Dad



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