Bourne to fail 

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First off, let's pour some on the block and observe a moment of cinematic silence for the Garibaldi 5, Squamish's only movie theatre.

I hope I heard wrong but word around the campfire is the silver screens of Squampton are going dark. (Ed. note: Feet hasn't. The theatre is closed as of Thursday, Aug. 9).

I suppose we should have seen it coming when they put that giant "Space for Lease" sign on the building and started talking about turning the lobby into a Dollar Store (as if Squamish needs another one of those).

That a town of 17,000 residents or so is unable to support a movie theatre is either a strong indicator of how tough times are or of how shitty Hollywood movies are these days.

Are Squamptonians really so outdoorsy that they won't sit still long enough to catch a flick now and then?

Or are people just sick and tired of dishing out good cash for substandard flicks?

Is Squamish the canary in the proverbial coal mine and more and more theatres will sink in the near future?

Time will tell.

In any case, losing the movie theatre is yet another blow to a community already struggling to find its groove. From the boarded-up KFC that welcomes travelers into town to the circle-jerk saga of the waterfront to the umpteen other "challenges" Squampton is currently facing, this one hits pretty hard.

The blame lies everywhere. The Garibaldi 5 didn't offer real late shows, Squamish has too many young families that can't go to the movies, Hollywood makes a crappy product, rent was too high, Internet piracy, etc., etc. All I know is that cinema is one of the most popular art forms on the planet, and Squamish just lost our access to see it in true big-screen glory. If this were a movie we'd hold a funeral in the rain, fold a flag and have a 51-gun salute. Lose-lose.

Meanwhile, the Whistler Village 8 (same owners as the Garibaldi 5) soldiers on. The Bourne Legacy opens Friday — a Bourne flick without Jason Bourne.

Remember the last one? I don't, but apparently since Bourne escaped the government is real nervous about their other "Special Ops" teams and they're closing them down, killing off all the members of the "Outcome Program" (in which soldiers take drugs to become smarter, faster and more American than ever).

Jeremy Renner (The Hurt Locker) stars as the last soldier standing who has to go against his superiors while jonesing for more pills and saving Dr. Hottie Hottness, played by Rachel Weisz.

Director Tony Gilroy (Michael Clayton) wrote the other Bourne flicks but this 135 minute underwhelm-athon proves he is much more comfy directing suits, boardrooms and dialogue than action and ass-kickery. Renner is great but the overall effect is pretty blah.

Also opening, a political comedy that goes heavy on the crass and light on the crafty. The Campaign stars Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis as rival congressman candidates racing to reach new lows in their quest for victory. It's definitely got some laughs but a total lack of satire and fresh ideas makes it little more than a cute, 85-minute potshot at an easy target. Of course, it does have a full-grown man punching a baby in the face in slow motion so what else do you need?

I suppose a movie theatre to watch it in...RIP Garibaldi 5.


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