Chainsaw Massacre returns in time for Halloween 

Everybody knows horror movies are making a comeback. So I guess it’s inevitable there’s another instalment of good ol’ Leatherface. That’s right, the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake opens today at the Village 8 Cinemas.

The re-worked story follows a group of horny, weed-smoking kids Scooby-dooing across the countryside on a typical road trip. One thing leads to another (mysterious old person, hitchhiker, etc) and soon they find themselves in a world of shit at the hands of chainsaw wielding Leatherface, the murderous black sheep in an entire family of inbred freaks. Of course the kids are picked off one by one, there’s lots of dripping water and scary shadows and, of course, super-hot Jessica Biel gets away in the end.

Sound familiar? That’s because the original 1974 Texas Chainsaw Massacre was so scary and potent that Hollywood has been copying it for almost 30 years. However, this doesn’t mean you should skip this updated version.

Sure, producer Michael Bay makes cheesy American movies like Armageddon and Pearl Harbour . And yes, I realize it’s directed by Markus Nispel, a guy who’s major accomplishment up to now was a Janet Jackson video, but come on! It’s the TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. Those very words cause shivers whether you’ve seen the original or not.

Besides, the camerawork is good, the acting decent, and it’s been a long time since anyone was properly killed with a chainsaw.

And if you think it’s all too violent, enter "Ed Gein" into any Internet search engine and check out the 1957 American serial killer whom Leatherface was based upon. Yup, nothing scarier than the real world.

Of course, if you checked out Kill Bill last week and just aren’t ready for another bout of ultra violence, perhaps a romantic comedy is in order. Fine, there’s the latest film from the amazing Coen brothers, Joel and Ethan. These guys make good films, Fargo, Raising Arizona, O Brother Where Art thou, to name a few. Their new movie, Intolerable Cruelty is an attempt at a ’30s-style screwball comedy starring George Clooney as a cocky, successful divorce lawyer and Catherine Zeta Jones as the money-hungry marriage bait he foils in the first act, then falls in love with as she exacts her revenge. The plot is good, with one decent twist, and the acting is solid, especially Zeta Jones, who excels and has never looked better.

There’s quirky Coen details (the billionaire who never got over his childhood train obsession and turned it into a sexual fetish), and sure the romance is there. But the comedy isn’t. I snickered a few times but never did really laugh. I even left the theatre to use the bathroom. Usually I just hold it, afraid to miss anything. All in all, Intolerable Cruelty is like a cocktail in which all the ice has melted. It’ll do the trick, but you’re happiest when it’s done.

By the way, School of Rock is still the best movie I’ve seen this month.

The Rainbow Theatre is showcasing The Rundown this week. It’s an action-buddy flick starring wrestling’s The Rock and Stifler from American Pie (that poor actor did that role so well it’s stuck with him now. Same thing happened to Linda Blair after The Exorcist. ) I hear this movie is actually pretty decent. I’m sure it won’t change your life but not much will at five bucks a pop.

The DVD of the week has to be the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Halloween’s coming up, get ready.


Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Runaway Jury, Under the Tuscan Sun, Intolerable Cruelty, Good Boy, Lost in Translation, Kill Bill, Mystic River, School of Rock.


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