Fast Food 

Open Season for pie-throwing

An international federation of pie-throwers is giving a whole new meaning to our title Fast Food.

Citizens across the country should listen for chants of "The pie is the limit!" followed by political pastries flying at high velocities.

L'Internationale des Anarchos-Patissiers - including the PEI Pie Brigade, les Entartistes, the various chapters of the Biotic Baking Brigade, the TAART and several other entarteur groups around the world - is demanding the freedom of Agent Simple Simon, jailed for one such flying pie in Charlottetown that found the face of Prime Minister Jean Chretien.

Simon (aka Evan Brown) and the pie federation were surprised by the severity of the 30 day sentence handed down by judge John Douglas. A press release from the federation speculates that the judge's reasoning must have been affected by the abusive use of transgenic potatoes in Prince Edward Island.

The federation contends that its use of pastries is a softer - and much tastier - alternative to the tools used by the political powers such as teargas, rubber bullets and pepper spray. The statement from the federation also claims Simple Simon was beaten in jail, a far cry from a little cream deposited on the Prime Minister's puss.

If the federation really wants to make a statement, perhaps they should be flinging less-than-desirable food: creamed corn, strained broccoli, mashed turnip. Then again, imagine the sentence handed down for chucking chopped liver at Jean? But if the federation wishes to continue the food fight and keep its members out of the slammer, next time they should inquire about the Prime Minister's favourite flavour.

B.C. winers

According to B.C. Stats, British Columbians purchased 16,884,923 litres of wine during the 12 month period ending in March.

McDonald's apologizes for beef in fries

If you're a vegetarian and ordered the fries at McDonald's, surprise! - you just ate beef.

Six B.C. vegetarians teamed up with an American lawyer to sue the golden arches, and McDonald's apologized on its U.S. Web site for the misunderstanding - according to the McDonald's Food Facts brochure that is available at the restaurants, the fries are prepared with beef flavouring to give them a "natural flavouring" and cooked in a mixture of beef and vegetable oil.

Anticipating new lawsuits, McDonald's made the apology on May 24, but stood by the Food Facts brochure and the fact that they never claimed that the fries were beef-free.

Word of the lawsuit reached India, where Hindus, who believes that the cow is sacred, attacked a McDonald's outlet in Bombay.

McDonald's officials say that the oils used in different countries take cultural or religious diets into consideration, and reassured consumers in India and Britain that their fries were meat free.

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