UPDATE: Happy April Fool's Day, however you choose to celebrate, and thank you for reading local news (all the way to the bottom).
----One of Whistler's most controversial projects in recent years is about to get even more controversial.
Thanks to an anonymous tip, Pique has learned that, due to structural failures caused by the materials used for construction, The Gateway Loop roof will be reconstructed from scratch.
The project—with its $2 million roof structure and nearly $7 million total price tag—was finally completed last year.
But now—amidst continued complaints about its exorbitant price tag and some after-the-fact, add-on public washrooms—that price tag is about to get much, much higher.
Internal documents shared anonymously with Pique lay the blame with faulty wood sourced from Germany.
Deconstruction of the Gateway Loop roof is to begin later this month, with a new structure already in the early stages of design.
One municipal staffer, speaking anonymously, expressed relief that the project could now go back to square one, giving staff the chance to "really get it right this time" in light of continued public outcry around the project.
But leaked documents appear to show that the RMOW will not only be replacing the failing roof, but also redesigning the rest of the Gateway Loop from scratch—including an all new landscaping plan.
Documents outlined a more "free-for-all" concept for incoming buses and traffic, as well as plans for a new four-storey car park.
This time around, the new project budget does include the public washroom pavilion, which has also been reimagined—the washrooms will now expand upward in the form of a shiny new four-storey outhouse.
There is also a "progressive" bent in the design documents, with repeated mentions of making the washrooms clothing-optional.
In an attempt to maintain that "Whistler character," the RMOW has enlisted the help of Italian design firm Brutto Scherzo, which will incorporate the thousands of abandoned skis at the Re-Use-It Centre, as well as discarded bear fur collected from trees and bushes around the resort to accentuate the structure.
The new roof is expected to cost $4.01 million.
"It's a lovely design conceived from Mother Earth herself, in all her natural radiance, incorporating the fur of the bears who now roam the hillsides nude and scared," said Pené Esposti, Brutto Scherzo's spokesperson (longtime Pique readers will also remember him as coordinator of Whistler's beloved Cheekside Naturist Festival and longtime member of the Federation of Canadian Naturists).
"It is a structure worthy of all of Mother Earth's children, naked as the day they spilled from her womb, and no Whistlerites or visitors to the resort should be ashamed to bear their entire privates as soon as they park or get off the bus," Esposti continued, unprompted.
"I fully believe every mountain vacation is enhanced greatly by the sweet, tickling sting of that fresh alpine air on your entire privates."
The Resort Municipality of Whistler did not immediately respond to a request for comment, because Pique did not reach out to them.
Why not?
In any other circumstance, we absolutely would. But this is not a real news story.
Happy April Fool's Day, however you choose to celebrate, and thank you for reading local news (all the way to the bottom).
