Skip to content
Join our Newsletter

Get Stuffed

Food Freaks

The things people eat on dares, bets and in their quest for immortality

Warning: The following article is gross – do not read if you have a weak stomach or are suggestible and would do anything for a buck. And, it goes without saying, please don’t try any of this at home.

It’s eleven twenty-something at night and I’m watching Canada’s own Tom Green stick his fingers down sidekick Glenn Humplik’s throat. Humplik has boasted that he never throws up, and Green set out to prove him wrong.

Humplik held onto his cookies for the most past, but gagged a little fluid all over Green’s hand. Green then proceeded to stick the same two fingers down his own throat, grossing out the entire studio audience and anyone who had the misfortune to tune in.

I was both nauseated and impressed by the scene, preconditioned to worship such behaviour by a lifetime of playing "the food game" with my friends.

It started I think at birthday parties, after games of baseball, tag, hide ‘n seek, and pin the tail on the donkey. We took the spirit of competition to the picnic table, daring one another to eat napkins, corn relish and uncooked hotdogs swimming in hot mustard. When desert came, we would race to see who could finish their cake first with your arms behind your back, or dare someone to squirt the entire bottle of chocolate sauce into their gullets.

Somebody always threw up and their parents were called to pick them up. Unless the parents knew better, this was usually attributed to "too much cake and excitement."

By the time we hit high school, our money was on the table. I ate a cheese sub with about two inches of hot banana peppers. A friend of mine threw up in the attempt, but for double or nothing chugged an entire bottle of Tabasco sauce later that night. Every weekend it seems somebody upped the stakes.

If they had a special at McDonald’s, we were there with a stopwatch. One time the entire restaurant, including the staff, gathered around to watch my friend (the same one who drank the Tabasco sauce) finish off four "Special Italians" in four minutes. When he started to gag two bites into his third special, people knocked over tables and chairs as they ran for the exits.

Later at university, with an all-you-can-eat buffet at our disposal, the games began in earnest. I won’t go into details, but I always get the heeby-jeebies when someone says "Coney Island Night". One guy I know swallowed a large Japanese fighting fish.

A few months ago I challenged my roommates to oldie but goodie: Seeing how many saltines we could eat in a minute. The most I’ve ever seen in close to two decades of playing this particular food game is eight, and one roommate managed to choke seven down – he’d obviously played this game before.

Everybody at one time in their lives has played one variation of "the food game" or another. Most of us played for respect or for a laugh, while a few genuine freaks with iron stomachs played to win.

The food game is an ancient rite, with roots in Genesis. What was the serpent doing in the Garden of Eden and the Tree of Knowledge that day if not playing the food game with Eve?

Should Eve be condemned for her sin or applauded for her courage? After all, it’s not everyone who would dare to eat one of God’s own fruits.

The Guinness Book of World Records is full of these heroes:

On Sept. 23, 1999, Dustin Phillips of Los Angeles California, drank 91 per cent of a 14 oz. Bottle of Heinz tomato ketchup through a 0.6 cm straw in just 33 seconds.

In 1998, a guy by the name Mark Hogg, set a record by swallowing 62 live worms in a time of 30 seconds – he was in the special forces and once survived for six weeks in the jungle eating worms and grubs. The whole idea came about when a friend bet him $100 he wouldn’t eat a nightcrawler, and Hogg didn’t hesitate.

On May 13, 1999, Peter Dowdeswell of London, England, finished off one pint of oxtail soup, a pound of mashed potatoes, an 8 oz. Can of pork and beans, and a 50 prunes in just 45 seconds. The same guy has been in the book three times, with records for drinking the fastest yard of ale, haggis eating and sushi eating. His eldest son Tony holds the recipe for ice cream eating and cockle eating. As if he weren’t proud enough already, his son-in-law Sean holds a record for eating boneless chicken. Although this is one family that plays the food game in earnest, Peter and company have set almost 300 food and drink records and earned close to five million pounds sterling for charity.

Popular culture has also picked up on the food game.

Who can forget the scene in Cool Hand Luke when Luke (Paul Newman) bets a crowd that he can eat 50 hard-boiled eggs in an hour without throwing up? Before he starts, another convict, Dragline, tells the crowd to "Stand back you pedestrians – this ain’t no automobile accident!"

How about "How to Eat Fried Worms", a children’s book by Thomas Rockwell where the central character Billy bets a friend $50 that he can eat 15 worms in 15 minutes?

In the movie ‘The Great Outdoors’, John Candy answers a restaurant’s challenge and finishes off an entire 96 ounce steak, gristle and all.

In ‘Meatballs’, the fat kid in camp becomes a hero for winning a hot dog eating contest. In ‘Stand By Me’, the fat kid in town has his revenge on the bullies who call him "Lardass" by drinking a bottle of castor oil before a pie eating contest and then vomiting all over the crowd.

On That’s Incredible!, a reality show from the 1980’s, one college student ate an entire tree to raise money for tuition and later died from the complications.

Another French guy going by the name of Monsieur Mangetout ate an entire bicycle over a three week period in 1977. He stewed the tires, and ate metal shavings of the frame.

These days it seems to be more popular than ever with contestants on Survivor eating grubs in an immunity challenge. Jackass, a popular MTV show only available in the U.S. has regular food and drink games, including a recreation of the 50-egg scene from Cool Hand Luke – and every contestant threw up several times.

One popular Web broadcast threatening to come to a cable station near you, is poised to take the food game to the next level. Mike Spurlock of "I Bet You Will" at www.ibetyouwill.com came up with the basic concept – dangle some cash in front of someone’s nose, and see just how far they will go to earn it.

So far contestants have eaten jars of mayonnaise for $50, chugged bottles of hot salsa for $100, and consumed 24 live crickets for $340. A bald man was paid $50 to have his bald head smothered with chocolate icing, and a woman was paid another $50 to lick it off.

And everywhere that Spurlock goes, the people follow. Over a five day period I Bet You Will filmed over 130 bets and handed out a meager $35,000 for about six months worth of programming. Most of those bets were food related.

Curious, I asked a few people around Whistler how they’ve played the food game. Truth is, as they say, stranger than fiction.

Pique co-worker Robyn Cubie admitted to eating cockroaches in Thailand, a delicacy there, and she says they tasted kind of fishy. She drew the line at "1,000 year-old eggs" – regular eggs pickled in horse urine – but some of her friends did not. She tried Guinea Pig in Peru, and at home in New Zealand she hung out with ranchers who enjoyed calf testicles, also known in that part of the world as "mountain oysters".

One person I talked to dared a friend to eat three boxes of Kraft Dinner and drink four litres of milk on their way back from a camping trip – after consuming the macaroni and most of the milk, the competitor locked himself in the bathroom of the RV and threw up all the way home.

Another interviewee had a friend who started the "Yucky Fry Club" whereby McDonald’s French fries were mixed with ketchup, mayonnaise, spit, you name it, and then left in a container to rot for an entire week. Anyone who would then eat a fry, and there was no shortage of volunteers, was in the club.

While visiting a famous bar in Dawson, Yukon Territory, a group of friends drank shots of Yukon Jack with an actual human toe – donated by an unfortunate regular – in the bottom. It has to touch your lips before you can become an honoury Yukon tough guy. The grossest part of this story is another story going around that the toe isn’t even the original – someone swallowed the first toe by accident while in a drunken stupor.

Someone once drank a whole bowl full of oil and vinegar salad dressing for five bucks. Another swallowed half a jar’s worth of hot banana peppers, brine and all, for a case of beer. Another sat down at a bar and finished off 80 chicken wings in suicide sauce to prove that he could. Another threw up beer into a glass, and then drank it – for some reason he thought the bouncer wouldn’t kick him out if he showed him it was no big deal.

This story has no moral, or even a point – except that it’s summer and that means picnics and barbecues.

And it would be a shame to just let all those hot dogs and that big bowl of potato salad go to waste.