Huskavarna over America 

Local band returns from triumphant world tour to play The Boot

WHO: Huskavarna

WHERE: The Boot

WHEN: Sunday, May 27

Local boys, Huskavarna have ventured deep into California, bringing their brawl-inspiring punk and piss-tank antics to the American masses. Well, perhaps not masses, but large groups… err, a privileged few? Read on, and experience Huskavarna on the road. The West Coast America may never be the same!

"The tour kicked off in Vancouver. We met the Barenaked Ladies at the Starfish Room. After harassing them for spare change, we left them with a Huskavarna CD to throw out their window at their leisure.

"Let me just start here by saying America is a giant reoccurring strip mall with enough burger joints to end world hunger. God forbid mad cow disease ever hits the United States!

"First U.S. stop: Seattle. Kurt Cobain left Seattle in a sad state of mind. Maybe Jimmy never should have kicked the bucket.

"Next stop Centralia, the red neck capital of Washington. We were invited back to a house where the goats share the same space as the people. Grunge is still alive here and the kids know how to rock beer-style.

"The next day we stopped at Godfather's Pizza and became instant rock gods. We said we were a big band from Canada and they believed us. They took our picture and put us on the wall. We signed autographs for a while and ate for free. The workers told us they wouldn’t even give free food to Willy Nelson when he came in. (Strange!)

"Quick note: The funny thing about Americans is the only stuff they know about Canada is what they hear from South Park. ‘Blame Canada’ was said about 20 times a day to us. Next time we come down here, we’re going to drop off Canadian history books at the shows.

"In the small town of Stanwood, the bass player of Screaming Trees caught an earful of Huskavarna. And after drinking 55 American beer each, we thought we saw O.J. Simpson riding a horse with Elvis Presley. The beer didn’t actually get us drunk… saturated pee-coloured apple juice!

"If all you guys in Whistler are sick of the guy/girl ratio, head on down to Eugene, Oregon. There are four girls to every guy. And they’re happy to please. We played with Tsumai Bomb in some punker chick’s basement which only holds 100 people.

"On to San Francisco. Met some Whistler brats in a small restaurant. That night we played with the Dave Brokie experience, a side project while Gwar rests for their new album. The night ended with the spanking of Gwar’s lead singer over my shoulder. Meanwhile, Tom was put under citizen’s arrest by a toothless ex-nazi rent-a-cop because he ordered his own burgers over the microphone and touched the agro security guard on the shoulder. The American mentality is a lot different down here. They don’t fuck around. Our humour doesn’t seem to be appreciated as it is in Canada.

"Modesto, California: hardcore methamphetamine scene. Big fight during our crazed set. Big party after, ending with me wrapped in flaming toilet paper. Also ripped my underwear off in Whistler tradition and hung it on the chandelier.

"Stopped in Santa Cruz for a day. If ever there was a huge acid scene, it’s here. Surfing was the bomb. Heard it’s raining in Whistler!

"If you’ve ever been to Vegas, maybe you realize how the bright lights blind you from the reality of the town. Twenty-eight murders last month. Lots of broken families caused by gambling and alcohol abuse. Racism. Basically everything that’s wrong with America is gathered here in the city of sin. We got ripped off by a degenerate hotel owner. I’ve concluded slot machines are the staple of the Vegas economy. They’re even in 7-Eleven.

"So far, we’ve run in to lots of cool bands. We played with a band from Spain who we couldn’t communicate with, but somehow we’ve become friends and are going to tour with them in Europe in the future.

"Oh yeah, we went to Hollywood and saw Weezer. You never know what’s going to happen on tour. Every day is something crazy.

"We’re coming back broke from touring again, so go to Evolution Sports in the Village and pick up Huskavarna apparel and CDs. We’ll be back soon at the Boot. Expect something different that night… maybe ’80s rocker night?"

Jeff (with Jay and Tom)

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