"Rrriiinnnng. Rrriiinnnng"
"Tourism Whistler Central Reservations. Dave speaking. How can I help you?"
"Yeah, hi Dave. Im thinking about booking a holiday in Whistler this winter and I just wanted to get some information."
"Wonderful! Good choice. When were you thinking of coming?"
"Well, whens a good time to come? You know, good snow but maybe not too crowded?"
"Lets see... we have a special promotion on around the middle of February. Looks like that might be a good time to consider."
"Wouldnt that be around Presidents Week, Dave?"
"Yes. Yes, I guess it would. Does that interest you?"
"No. Some friends were up there last year during Presidents Week. It didnt exactly sound like a not too crowded time from their descriptions."
"Well, its a big resort. The mountains can handle a lot of people."
"Yeah, whatever. How about something in early February? Lets look at that instead. Were a family of four. What can you put together for a week in early February, Dave?"
"Do you prefer a hotel or condo?"
"Condo."
"Lets see.... We have a nice two bedroom condo in Valhalla that sounds like it would suit you nicely."
"How close is that to the lifts?"
"Oh, everythings close to the lifts up there."
"Well, which part of the village is it in? Our friends said we might want to be on the Benchlands, wherever that is."
"Okay. Valhalla is near... lets see... Marketplace."
"Hmm, never heard of Marketplace. Is that close to the lifts?"
"Everythings close to the lifts up there."
"Thats the second time you said up there Dave. Wheres up there?"
"In Whistler."
"Arent you in Whistler?"
"No. Im in Vancouver."
"Oh. Well, have you ever seen where Valhalla is?"
"On a map. Thats how I know its near marketplace."
"Well, do you know how long it takes to walk to the lifts from there?"
"Oh, it cant take long. Everythings...."
"Close up there. Yeah, Dave. Im getting the picture. Listen, have you ever been to Whistler?"
"Sure. They took us up there for some training."
"Well, hows the skiing? Were mostly, oh Id say, intermediates."
"Uh... I dont really ski."
"Never been skiing in Whistler, Dave?"
"No. But I hear its great. Over 50 per cent intermediate."
"Uh-huh. How about the restaurants, Dave? Know anything about them?"
"Sure. The restaurants up there are fabulous."
"Whats your favourite?"
"Uh... I havent actually been to any of them. But Araxis is supposed to be really great. They won a James Beard award."
"Anyone I can talk to thats been to Whistler there, Dave?"
"Ill get my supervisor."
"Dont bother. Have a nice day."
Click.
A couple of weeks ago, when airplanes were still used for transportation, not terrorism, Tourism Whistler announced it was moving its call centre operations to Vancouver. For years, the central reservations people who answered the phones whenever someone would dial 1-800-WHISTLE, beavered away in the labyrinthine warrens deep in the bowels of the conference centre. They were local boys and girls, some of long duration, some just off the boat.
Their numbers have grown substantially over the years as has the volume of visitors to Whistler. Notwithstanding the difficulty of finding paying tenants who dont have a nasty habit of going bankrupt, the space under the conference centre is valuable space, too valuable arguably for a call centre.
Add to the opportunity cost of occupancy the legendary turnover in that line of work coupled with the even more legendary turnover in any line of work in Whistler and you have some pretty persuasive bidniz arguments for moving the call centre to someplace like Vancouver. Or Moncton for that matter. Maybe Omaha.
So why did TW choose to cloak the announcement in language suggesting the move was being made to offer better customer service? Better customer service? Is that duckspeak or what? Why not just say, "Hey, were going to save money and reduce turnover. Got a problem with that?"
The only possible argument for better customer service that doesnt tilt the non sequitur meter is reducing turnover leads to more experienced staff. And thats a valid argument if youre Lands End selling sweaters and chinos. But TWs selling a place, an experience, a memorable holiday and there is no possible way to sell a place if it isnt your place to begin with. No amount of training, familiarization visits, or visual aids can possibly replace the intimate knowledge someones going to have from skiing the slopes, dining in the restaurants, strolling the village, knowing the local merchants or walking from Marketplace to the base of Whistler Mountain in ski boots.
Sayin it dont make it so.
Having tricked Whistler Mountain into letting me manage their pre-merger call centre, I have some understanding into the totally out to lunch things these folks will get asked. Things like, "Can you arrange to have a decorated Christmas tree in our condo when we get there?" "My friends are celebrating their honeymoon at the Gables. Can you have some champagne delivered to them?" "Im going to propose marriage to my girlfriend in Whistler. We were going to go to Mexico but decided to come to Whistler instead. Any chance you can arrange a Mariachi band for us?"
Clever local people managed to get the Christmas tree, have the champagne delivered and borrow some records from a local DJ to provide mood music in a Mariachi-challenged town. For at least three people, we were service legends. How ya gonna do stuff like that from Vancouver? Or even convey a sense of whats really what in Whistler?
I dont mean to pick on TW, although these are the people who sent out an e-mail earlier this week announcing the Wednesday Open House would be a closed session. Think about that little bit of doublethink for a minute. But their announcement is indicative of the extent to which weve been bought and sold by spin. In a world where nothing is as it seems, where, if I recall correctly, George Bush Sr., once said we were fighting the Gulf War to preserve democracy in Kuwait a feudal, hereditary monarchy how trivial, how uncontroversial does something have to be to warrant the truth? Straight talk? Unspun reality?
Like Freedom to Read week, we desperately need a Truth in Communication week. Or maybe a day. Okay, Id settle for an hour. One hour where simple truth was allowed to breathe the air of freedom.
Yeah, I recognize crimethink when I suggest it. With only 49 years to go before the targeted adoption of Newspeak, I feel the unmistakable pull of Orwellian reality. We only thought wed passed 1984 without falling into its fictional morass. Better watch out; we may be knee deep in it already.