By G.D. Maxwell
To those of you who didn’t manage to make it out to Spruce Grove Field House Tuesday night for the WORCA Almost All Candidates Speed-dating meeting, why not? You missed a great show, a chance to put our councillors, mayor and wannabes on the spot, a roomful of community energy, cheap beer and the first of what will hopefully become many such events. I’d like to think you did something more meaningful than staying home to watch the Osbournes but I really don’t have that much faith in humanity… yours or mine.
The concept was attributed to Brent Leigh, the organization to WORCA, sponsorship to Pique, beer to Kokanee, chips to Frito-Lay and energy to several hundred keen people – including a lot of faces very near the average age of Whistler residents for a change – and all the council and mayoral candidates.
Dropped balls included the exclusion of school trustee candidates – yeah, I know, who cares – the unexpected need for a bigger room, and more trash cans to properly dispose of campaign literature. Oh yeah, and WORCA RAN OUT OF BEER! About an hour too early no less. C’mon guys, get with the program. This is why the muni hires high-priced consultants. For a couple a hundred thou, they could have (a) built you a computer model to prove you needed more beer or (2) had a minivan standing by for emergency shuttles to the Boot.
What happened at the tables during each candidates’ seven minutes was pretty much up to the tables. Table 3 was a take-no-prisoners group of rabble who hijacked the time and asked tough questions of the candidates. I’m here to report their answers included the following, in no particular order. No… yes… maybe… I’m not willing to risk my other testicle… can’t we just put that behind us… chicks rule… I was drunk at the time… probably not again unless no one’s looking… of course she was my wife… you didn’t know about my twin?
Other tables let the candidates talk and pump them for good ideas. At least one table engaged in something uncomfortably resembling fraternity hazing and I’m pretty sure Table 13 came close to voting to sacrifice one of the incumbents as an early season appeasement to Ullr. Boy, talk about your tough choices.
But all the candidates held up well under what were surely trying circumstances. All of them should be congratulated and thanked for hanging it out for the rest of us to judge. There’s not much glory in being a Whistler councillor and even less pay. Even the ones I disagree with I respect. And that’s the last nice thing I’ll say about some of them.
But really, I still don’t understand election signs. Every three years – and whenever Victoria faces crises or crunch times – election signs pop up like skunk cabbage in the spring. Our former mayor set the bar for chutzpah by actually putting his face on his signs. He looked distinguished in a goatee and blacked-out teeth and few have risked it since.
What’s the point though? S’plain to me where election signs fit into either the Natural Step’s framework or any concept of sustainability that doesn’t embrace the sustainability of sign shops. Kudos to Ralph Forsyth for his decision to forego signs; it must be tough to stand alone.
The interesting thing about signs though, is what people put on them. How do they decide on a slogan? What’s the point of a sign with nothing on it but a name and checkmark? Is that a sign of confidence or lack of imagination? Why aren’t election signs funnier?
What am I talking about? Election signs are hilarious… given the right state of mind. Take the diminutive signs of Shane Bennett and Rick Andre. Shane and Rick don’t seem to have much in common other than their signs. They aren’t a slate and Rick’s gone so far as to say they only share signs, not necessarily ideas. Reminds me of the T-shirt that says "Just because I sleep with you doesn’t mean I’ll ski with you."
I wonder what the debate must have been to come up with the "Thanking you in advance" slogan.
Rick: "This campaign’s all about safety and affordability for me."
Shane: "Safety? Hell man, this is WAR! Hit ’em hard… where they live."
"I think we should stress cool heads and clear thinking."
"I think we should know who the real enemies are."
"Maybe we should just thank the folks."
"Good idea."
I like Ken Melamed’s sign. Asking the tough questions. There are those who would add "A million times" or "over and over and over again" but that’s why we elect Ken. He’s got more questions than most humans have answers. One of these days he’s going to wear the forces of evil down and they’ll capitulate.
It must have been an interesting session coming up with Dave Davenport’s sign. Dave’s got as close as anyone in this town has to a machine, what with the Niblet, the realtors, various and sundry Libs and some in the biz community who think towns should be run like businesses working to get him elected.
"So, what’dya think we ought to put on the sign, Dave?"
"Dave Davenport – A strong, confident leader who cares about Whistler, who knows how to manage tough decisions, who will whip muni hall into shape, who won’t be pushed around by anybody, who can leap tall buildings in a single bound, who…"
"Dave, we got the biggest sign we could find, scientifically determined the smallest possible print anyone could read at 60 km/h, focus group tested 16 million possible colour combinations but we’d need a freakin’ dirigible to get all that in. Focus Dave, focus."
Shelley Phelan’s got the cutest sign. But then, I’m a sucker for rhyme. No hard sell, just… vote for Shel. Good start but I’d encourage any candidate to go for the Burma Shave effect. For those of you too young to know, Burma Shave used to advertise their brushless shaving lather with sequential roadside signs. Such as this ditty from the 1950s:
He asked
His kitten
To pet and purr
She eyed his puss
And screamed "What fur!"
Burma-Shave
I’d be a lot more inclined to vote for any candidate with that much wit. To whit:
I’m back in town
I’ve been around
Come along for the ride
I’ve got nothing to hide
No hard sell
Vote for Shel
Regardless of the paucity of humour and meaning and the numbing eye blight of political signs, they’re here and growing until the 17 th . Unless more of us take direct action. Hummm.
