Skip to content
Join our Newsletter

The 2005 Maxies

Well, here we are, another year. And while it may seem like 2005 was several years long, it actually went by in a blink of an eye. Okay, it went by like a sharp stick in an eye.
maxbyline

Well, here we are, another year. And while it may seem like 2005 was several years long, it actually went by in a blink of an eye. Okay, it went by like a sharp stick in an eye. A sharp stick that seemed to take forever to get to the point… of which there was none, as it turned out.

If we were being brutally honest – and why wouldn’t we? Christmas is over, it’s time for New Year’s revolutions – we’d all have to admit, at least all of us who spent most of our year in Whistler specifically or B.C. in general, 2005 was, and I’m not trying to offend anyone by saying this, the shits. Strong times require strong language. I think Winston Churchill said that. Crappy times require potty language. I said that.

But there’s nothing much we can do about 2005 now except to be extremely happy it’s almost over and done with. Well, that and celebrate 12 months that quite possibly had less to celebrate than any 12 month period in history.

Quick man, somebody shut him up and get on with The Maxies: 2005!

Best On-Mountain Improvement

: Might have been the tube park although I haven’t had the inclination to give it a whirl until all lanes are open and the snow falling on the course isn’t quite so liquid. But clearly a sign of the times, the biggest improvement has been the summer grooming coupled with vastly increased snowmaking. I shudder to think where we’d be right now without this farsighted one-two punch.

Biggest On-Mountain Paradox

: In a year of spectacularly disappointing snow, I enjoyed the single best run down Whistler Bowl I ever had the pleasure of experiencing… EVER! A stormy Saturday following a stormy Friday. Fifty cms of white smoke, top to bottom with fewer than two dozen tracks laid down before mine. If you were there, you know. If you weren’t, my condolences.

Best Line Uttered Under Duress

: "If we’re goin’ down, we’re goin’ down with shovels in our hands." Attributed to Doug Forseth but he says it belongs to Kirby Brown. Either way, the oft-maligned Boys of the Borg pulled out all the stops last season, moving snow by helicopter, snowcat and, yes, by the shovelful, in a year when lesser folk might simply have pulled the plug, all in a glorious attempt to feed the monkey. Made me ashamed of all the sniveling ingrates who bitched about what a ripoff last year was. If you don’t like global warming, sell your SUV.

This Little Piggy Went to Market … Court

: To our misguided brothers and sisters known collective as Plaintiffs, in Barnfield vs The Muni. Do the words "A nest, not a nest egg." ring a bell? Your "Shucks, we don’ know nuttin’ ‘bout ‘preciation caps," tilts the disingenuous meter and comes dangerously close to sleaze-o-rama.

A Deal’s a Deal… Unless You Can Squirm Out of It. Part II

: London Drugs is falling down, falling down, falling down. Let’s move quickly to give this stiff a decent burial before it really begins to smell bad. A simple "Thanks, but no thanks," from our new council should do the trick. Sooner rather than later, eh guys?

A Deal’s a Deal… Unless You Can Squirm Out of It. Part III

: To the developer who didn’t build the tennis club and to the developer who followed and still doesn’t want to build the tennis club. Build the tennis club. Personally I like Sonia McCarthy’s idea. If we made these honourable gentlemen build the amenity first, we’d have a much better chance of getting what we bargained for. Or, in the case of Nita Lake, at the price we bargained for.

I Only Meant I Like to Go In Private

: Congratulations to Councilor Nancy for insisting we revisit the public-private partnership sellout on the sewage treatment plant expansion. There are good and valid reasons why we call them Public utilities. These are the things I expect my local government to take care of. If you’ve got the time and money left after that, then worry about funding the arts.

I Think I’m Having a Vision

: And while we’re at it, how about a temporary Big Top circus tent for the sludge hockey arena. I mean, we’re going to be hosting a real sideshow anyway so why not get with the program and bank 15 of the $20 million VANOC’s going to pony up for this dog and build something we really want on Lots 1/9.

Seeking Enlightenment in the Mountains

: Who’s the bigger fool? You decide. Fool #1, B.C.’s Liberal government grants a 25,000 acre backcountry tenure on the Pemberton Ice Cap to Fool #2, Whistler Heli-Sledders, who will charge Fools #3 through hopefully only #10 before this thing goes belly up, $1,200 to be flown up onto the glacier so they can mindlessly cruise around on butt-spreading, air-polluting, ozone-depleting, snowmobiles. Boy, talk about your difficult choices.

The Little Train That Couldn’t

: To the environmental stewards at CN Rail. What can you say about a company more concerned with keeping people off their tracks than keeping their trains on?

Getting Into the Swing of Things

: To the Supreme Court of Canada who, just last week, decided adult people could decide to have sex with other adult people in a public place, to wit, a swingers club, without breaking the law. Now there’s a rainy day activity I think some of our tourists could get down with. Is this a great country or what?

Now Ya See ‘im, Now Ya Don’t

: To Aloha O’Reilly who definitely pulled off the disappearing act of the year. I guess in a roundabout way, we have Intrawest to thank for the radically different mayor and council lineup we’re ending 2005 with. But this is the second mayor in a row who found something better to do than finish his final term. Is it us?

Sauce for the Goose, Sauce for the….

: In what was clearly the PR flub of the year, CUPE advisors hung the unfortunate label "Whistler Allowance" on the water workers’ demand for an extra four grand a year. But since we’re already paying most of the muni’s management a Whistler allowance that makes four grand seem like chump change, what exactly is the problem here?

Power of Positive Thought

: And finally, Whistleratics should give themselves a big pat on the back. Don’t hurt yourself doing it. You ignored, yea, you actually punished, the local political candidates who dared to go negative and instead elected a mayor and council all of whom took the high road. Congratulations to those of you who won office. I’ll give you the 60 days you asked for; after that, the game’s afoot. Don’t make me write ugly things about you.