Maxed out 

Outing the club

So let’s suppose for a minute you’re a parent. Hey, for a lot of you, this shouldn’t be much of a stretch; you are parents. But let’s suppose for a minute you’re a parent of a boy child. Even this shouldn’t be too hard; half of us were, after all, boy children ourselves at some time in the past and, to be painfully honest, many of us who live in Whistler haven’t really progressed very far beyond that description. The rest of us have probably either given some thought to what it might be like to have a boy child or have at least dated a few, either of which has been scientifically proven to increase the probability of celibacy or lesbianism.

Now suppose your boy child, an earnest young chap with an age-appropriate – let’s say 12 – serious mien, comes to you and says, "Tommy and I are starting a club."

You might, if you’re not too distracted by the flotsam of adult life, respond, "That’s nice, honey. Is it just you and Tommy in the club?"

"No, anyone can join. Well, anyone who’s not a girl."

"So just boys can be in your club?"

"Yup, just boys."

"Why not girls?"

"They’re just not qualified. It’s not their place to be in our club."

"Never?"

"Never."

"Anyone else you won’t let join your club?"

"Queers."

"That’s not a nice word. Gay people prefer to be called gay… unless they’re talking among themselves, in which case they seem to prefer queer but I think you have to be in their club for that to be a polite thing to say. Sort of a self-reference thing…."

"Dad, you’re rambling."

"You’re right. But you get my point. Why won’t you let gay boys in your club, not that I’m certain there are too many self-referenced 12-year-old gay boys?"

"They lead a deviant and abominable lifestyle."

"Have you been reading the National Review again at the library? Where do you come up with this stuff?"

"It’s our club. We make the rules."

"Well, what is it you do in this no girl, no gay club?"

"We talk to an imaginary friend."

"All of you?"

"Yup."

"And does your imaginary friend talk back?"

"Yes, he does."

"What do you talk about?"

"About how to live our lives."

"Did your ‘friend’ tell you you shouldn’t let girls and gays in your club?"

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