Maxed Out 

How do you spell tax relief?

maxbyline.jpg

I would just like to make one thing perfectly clear from the outset. The following is the entire inventory of my pockets: one small Swiss army knife, a threat only to airline security; eighty-six cents in change; a crumpled and surprising 20 dollar bill; three business cards; two notes to myself; one physio receipt; one emergency dogpoop bag; and… that’s it.

There are not now, nor have there ever been, any councillors in my pockets. Nary a sign of the mayor either. I may have felt various of their fingers in there at one time or another but I’ve never had anyone with bylaw-making, tax-relief granting, official celebrity week naming or other local legislative powers in any of my pockets.

Just to be aboveboard though, I have given various of them rides in my car. But I have never let them drive and I wouldn’t think of letting them choose the radio station… not that there’s much choice but it’s a matter of principle.

That having been said, on to business.

I would like to, humbly, request a five-year tax break on my newly-purchased Whistler Housing Authority home. I’m not entirely sure what my property taxes are going to be but I’m pretty certain they’re not going to be anywhere near $150,000 to $200,000 a year. If they are, I’m in serious trouble. Actually, if they are, we’re all in serious trouble.

I believe I have a very strong case for being granted tax relief. The recently-amended Community Charter apparently gives local governments the power to grant such relief for companies undertaking major improvements.

“Ah-ha!” I hear you exclaim. “You’re no company.”

I’m hurt. Deeply hurt. There are those, admittedly fringe, who find me very good company. A little overbearing at times, possibly even borderline insensitive, but in a pinch, I’m there for them. And you.

Let’s not split hairs here. If I need to be a company, I’ll companize: Max Ltd. Satisfied?

I think it’s abundantly clear I’ve undertaken major improvements. I just sunk nearly 300 large of my own — not investors’, I’d like to make perfectly clear — dough into my WHA home. Okay, you caught me; that’s an overstatement. It was actually nearly 300 large of my and my Perfect Partner’s dough. We’ll amend the company charter: Max & Perfect Partner Ltd.

Now you may argue I’m the only one receiving the benefits of that rather large, by personal standards, capital expenditure. But you’d be wrong. Here’s a short list of those who’ve directly benefited by this investment: Royal Bank, who provided sundry financial services; the lawyer who made sure I didn’t get screwed; the builder; the trades who worked on my place; Home Hardware where I wander aisles aimlessly searching for various hardware; Husky who gassed my move; Anna’s Attic where I found some furniture — see, this is a corridor-wide project —; whoever moves into the very nice suite I’ve vacated; whoever moves into the lesser-nice suite they vacate; whoever moves into the festering hole they vacate; council itself, who look like champions for finally getting some new WHA housing built and occupied; and, last but not least, Whistler as a whole who now has additional, long-term social infrastructure paid for by Max & Perfect Partner Ltd.

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

Latest in Maxed Out

More by G. D. Maxwell

Sponsored

Demystifying the rules around renting out your Whistler home

From average price per night to acquiring the proper license, here’s what you need to know...more.

© 1994-2018 Pique Publishing Inc., Glacier Community Media

- Website powered by Foundation