Maxed out 

Santa Claus is coming to party

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The important lesson I learned was that there was an 11 th way to avoid making an ass of yourself at the office party: go to someone else’s party.

This time of year, in this town, there’s a lot of wisdom in that observation. Suppose you’re a liftie, a retail clerk, a housekeeper, a whatever. Maybe they have an office party where you work, maybe not. Doesn’t matter. The fact is, there are some good parties every night of the week around here this time of the year. Many involve very good food; most involve at least some form of liquor. Obviously you’re not invited to these parties.

But Santa is.

Santa is always welcome at a Christmas party. You don’t even have to know whose party it is. What do you care? A party’s a party. Just walk in, give ’em a bit of the old Ho-Ho-Ho and start mingling in a direct line to the bar/buffet/tequila shots. No one’s going to shake down Santa for ID unless they want to go to the head of the Naughty List. And if someone does try to engage you in more meaningful conversation, saying, for example, “Who the hell are you?” ask ’em if they’ve been a good boy or girl or see if they want to whisper in your ear what it is they want for Christmas. If you stay in character, no one’s going to press the point very far and run the risk of violating suggestion #8 from Ten Ways to Keep From Making An Ass of Yourself at the Office Party: Don’t remove Santa’s beard… or any other item of his clothing.

Enjoy the party.

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