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The (dubious) best of a lousy year

Good riddance! While there's one year left to go in the first decade of the third millennium, we've squeaked past the Naughts, the Big Zeros, the Double-Ohs.
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Good riddance! While there's one year left to go in the first decade of the third millennium, we've squeaked past the Naughts, the Big Zeros, the Double-Ohs. In popular culture, which is to say innumerate culture, the close of this year will be considered the close of the 21 st century's first decade. It was a decade of disgust, despair and destruction. A 10-year span when pretty much everything we thought we could count on turned out to be illusion. Born of hope, mankind has used the last 10 years to prove there is a very fine line between evolution and erosion... and I'm having a lot of trouble figuring out on which side of it we're dancing.

2009 was the worst of the lot. The year was birthed in fear, death and economic ruin. It's been a steady downhill ride from there. I've lost more friends, money and hope this year than any year previous. I'd like to think 2010 will be better but it's been a long time since I believed in Santa, the Tooth Fairy or happy endings.

Despite my personal funk, it is the end of the year and time, therefore, for champagne, hollow resolutions, reflections on the past, hope for the future and, of course, the 2009 Maxies, that wacky celebration of dubious and not-so dubious achievements. The envelopes, please.

 

Life in the Mountains

Best On-Mountain Improvement: You've heard 'em howlin' 24/7 all during the cold weather. $17.6 million's been pumped into expanded and improved snowmaking, part WB, part VANOC, all in aid of your favourite pastime. If you don't like the noise, wear earplugs.

Best Financial Move by the Mothercorp: Cheap(er) season passes. It woulda been interesting to see how many they'd have sold at $700 but no one's complaining about the early price.

Best Nosh on the Hill: The Winemakers' Après events at Steeps last season combined scrumptious, creative food, great Vincor wines and capped it all with a tipsy, after-hours ski down. Oh yeah, I wasn't supposed to mention that last part. Okay, bring it back this year and I'll download.

 

Five-Ring Circus

Wait 'til Your Father Hears About This: Shortly after the chainsaws went silent and the last tree crashed to the ground, VANOC decided Whistler's Medals Plaza would actually be a non-medals plaza. With one eye on the budget and the other only seeing darkness, the folks you love to hate went all medals-Nazi on us and said, "No medals for you!" When the IOC caught wind of the change of plans, someone was taken to the woodshed and the nightly awards ceremonies are back where sledge hockey was supposed to be.

How Green are Your Olympics Medals: Bronze - The 24/7 high-wattage lighting at Olympic venues. Glowing hearts, glowing skies. Silver - The Fleet. One of the world's largest collections of gas-guzzling SUVs and big-ass pickups Chevy couldn't sell, all, oddly, with a seeming load capacity of only one person. Gold - The Hydrogen Highway. The vision, California to Whistler. The reality, Function Junction to Alpine. And a bargain at $89 million.

But Some Animals are More Equal Than Others: Right to Play, a nefarious organization dedicated to bringing the joy of sports to war-torn, third-world countries, is denied access to Games' venues. Having done their good deeds at previous Olympics, RtoP committed the heinous crime of accepting Mitsubishi Motors' generous sponsorship, thereby running afoul of the mighty - if bankrupt - General Motors. So to recap, we've bailed out GM's mismanaged ass, they're using taxpayer money to, among other things, be an Olympic sponsor and they're putting the boots to underprivileged kids around the world. Nice hat trick, guys. Sure like my new Mazda.

Yeah, But Will it be the Best Olympics Ever: "Security investments always leave a good legacy of security for the country." Jacques Rogge . Even taking into account that English is not his first language, this one is up for Doublespeak of the Year award. With a billion dollar budget, every cop and soldier in the country standing on guard, security cameras making us all instant stars, I feel less secure than ever in my own hometown.

 

Life in Tiny Town

Words to Live By: "Keep in mind that in the big context of things, we have a policy to maintain tax increases to the rate of inflation." Mayor Melamed

Words to Live By Redux: "It's never made any sense to tie property tax increases to the rate of inflation." Mayor Melamed

What Colour Was That Ribbon Again: The RMOW's Blue Ribbon panel of economic experts - most of whom live elsewhere - recommend a 20 per cent property tax hike over three years. Saying we should pay a premium to live in Whistler, which we thought we paid every day, the panel's focus was on revenue, not cost control. Asked about this, Muni hall responded with...

A New Communications Policy: "Hello and welcome to Whistler Municipal Hall. Press 1 for the office of miscommunication; press 2 for the office of miscommunication; press 3..." Oh yeah, and the mayor got a new cell phone. In case you were wondering, the number is 604-9... naw, he'd just get another one.

Eyesore of the Year Award: No, not the traffic control sticks on the highway. But the RMOW/BC Transit bus terminal moonscape has all the quaint allure of Cleveland's waterfront. Maybe they could doll it up with a feedlot or lead smelter nearby. I can't believe the same people who are down with this thought a trailer park would look tacky.

You Paved Paradise; Now Get Lost: Local government turns a blind eye to the non-conforming (zoning) asphalt plant near Cheakamus Crossing until everything that doesn't move is paved over. Purchasers at CC managed to miss the BOLD CLAUSE advising them of the plant's existence and occasional noxious fumes until it's time to pony up the second installment. They scream; council over-reacts; the plant's given until June 1 to vamoose. So why is it we even have a planning(sic) department?

Timing is Everything: The RMOW finally springs its long-awaited pay-parking plan, a good thing. They start charging to park under the Conference Centre - formerly known as the TELUS Conference Centre - much to the surprise of, well, everyone, since it was announced the week before it was instituted. And to appease the riled natives, they did it simultaneously with nuking the day skier lots so they could start paving them. Op.cit. planning department.

 

In Passing

There's no Maxie for the pain and sorrow Death's laid at our doorstep this year. From start to finish, we've lost more good people than usual. In avalanches, on bikes, in cars, in the air, at home, and just knocking around the hood, people have died natural and unnatural deaths and even been murdered. The sadness still overwhelms me.

Here's to a better 2010.