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I object!

Q: What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? A: One is a scum sucking bottom dweller and the other is a fish. I am who I am. I am not what I do. Oddly enough, there are people who don't understand the distinction.
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Q: What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?

A: One is a scum sucking bottom dweller and the other is a fish.

I am who I am. I am not what I do. Oddly enough, there are people who don't understand the distinction. I'm not sure whether they have problems separating who they are from what they do for a living or whether their work is so all-consuming it simply defines them.

Though not an exhaustive list, I have been a gas jockey, draftsman, astronomer, factory worker, steel fabricator, lawyer, banker, writer and hospitality worker. None of those things adequately define who I am and, quite frankly, with the exception of writer, I did them because I had the skills and/or education and, more importantly, because they paid the bills. Had fate been fickler, I'd have done none of those jobs and spent my days frittering away family wealth. I'm sure that activity would have had the pleasant experience of shaping me into something other than what I am but, as Popeye said, "I yam what I yam."

As much as it pains me to take exception with anything written in so august a publication as Piqu e , I fear last week's news piece on the latest fous to enter the mayoral Campagne de Fous left an overwhelming impression that Ms. Wilhelm-Morden was a bit of a catfish. As a recovering lawyer, I take exception.

Generally, this wouldn't matter to me. I've come to understand the lasting impression anything we write in Pique has on the attention span challenged people of Tiny Town. But with the other mayoral fous being on record as referring to his now-announced opponent as an ambulance chaser, I feel compelled to speak out... or at least be similarly slandered myself.

The fact of the matter is, while our brethren south of the border may indeed chase ambulances, that particular activity happens far less often in the socialist paradise of Canada. Simply put, chasing ambulances doesn't pay the bills up here. Awards for medical compensation are, understandably, mere fractions of what they are in the litigious states of America, given Canada's universal healthcare. And for whatever reason, Canadian juries aren't nearly as sympathetic towards injured parties; as a result, they tend to be stingy awarding damages.

Nonetheless, there are people injured in the Great White North and there are negligent acts that need to be addressed and the only people around to do the heavy lifting are lawyers, as satisfying as it might be to sic a biker on someone who hurt you. But just to be clear, lawyers don't bring lawsuits; their injured clients do. Journalists don't make news; they report it. Columnists on the other hand....

And while it's amusing to poke fun at frivolous lawsuits - most of which seem to emanate from the USA, e.g., granny and the, surprise, hot coffee from McDonalds - the fact is, we all benefit in ways we tend to take for granted.

If you've ever walked away from a head-on car crash, you probably escaped on the backs of those who didn't. Not many years ago, if you ran into something with enough speed behind you, there was a good chance your steering column would impale you like a medieval lance, right through the heart. Auto companies didn't design collapsible steering columns and padded steering wheels because they wanted to be nice. Governments didn't force them to stop killing people in that particular way. Lawsuits did.

When I was younger, kids not infrequently ended up in burn wards or morgues when their pajamas got too close to open flames, like the ones on candles and fireplaces. If your children's PJs don't flare up like flash paper, thank a lawyer. Someone's kid whose PJs did sued the pants off a manufacturer and spent the rest of their lives grieving.

Does your kettle turn off when it runs dry or tips over? Are there seatbelts in your car? Are your prescription drugs safe? Is your workplace safe? Does your food not make you sick? Thank a lawyer, grudgingly if it makes you feel better, but thank one anyway.

There are people in town pissed off at the latest mayoral fous because a client of hers sued Golden Search & Rescue when his calls for help went unheeded and his wife eventually died of exposure. The case grinds on and may eventually be decided by people who will hear the whole story, unlike anyone who's already made up their mind.

But by simply having launched the suit, all B.C. SAR groups have benefited because the provincial government stepped up to provide a liability backstop for them, something they should have done a long time ago, given SAR performs a quasi-governmental function on a volunteer basis. That's a pretty big bonus to rescuers and directors who were facing potentially personal liability, often without even knowing it.

There are people in town pissed off over the suit a client brought against WORCA. But because of that suit, WORCA discovered they were being defrauded by their insurance broker and were running without any liability insurance. That left the directors of WORCA personally liable for damages to anyone injured or, at a minimum, legal fees to defend a claim of negligence leading to injury. When the fraud was uncovered, the same ambulance chaser talked it over with her client and they agreed to drop the suit; neither wanted to go after the directors personally. Oh yeah, and WORCA's paying a lot more attention to safety these days. What a terrible outcome.

Until people and businesses and governments step up and voluntarily accept responsibility for their negligent acts - inadvertent though they may be - that wind up injuring other people, we'll need to have lawyers to do the suing for us. If it's ever been you who's been the injured party, you understand. For those of you who haven't, lucky you. If you ever are, the first thing you'll discover is the other side probably has a lawyer and if you ever want to get anywhere, you'd better get the best one you can find. Our new mayoral fous is one of the best.

But she's also a strong supporter of this community, having sat on council a total of 12 years and been instrumental in launching and nurturing the Community Foundation of Whistler. And she's helped any number of people I know in this town get compensated when someone else was responsible for the injuries they received.

So we can make fun of lawyers - Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A: A Doberman. - and we can even call them ambulance chasers if it makes us feel better about what we do for a living. But compared to, oh, say teaching people to ski steeps, I'll take the new fous' accomplishments any day.