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Nebbeling and partner tie the knot

MLA’s same-sex marriage catches national attention When same sex marriage became legal last summer in British Columbia local Liberal MLA Ted Nebbeling and his long time partner decided it was time to exchange rings.

MLA’s same-sex marriage catches national attention

When same sex marriage became legal last summer in British Columbia local Liberal MLA Ted Nebbeling and his long time partner decided it was time to exchange rings.

Like any wedding it took some time to work out the details. But on Nov. 15 last year Nebbeling married Jan Holmberg, 63, at their new Coal Harbour apartment.

"It was really a great opportunity, after having been together for 32 years, to reaffirm our commitment to each other through a ceremony," said Nebbeling, 59, earlier this week.

"It was really something that was meaningful for both of us. We both wanted it.

"It really was important to us and very touching and very meaningful."

Nebbeling and Holmberg met in Amsterdam in the early ’70s and in 1977 moved together to Whistler.

They owned and operated several retail outlets and Nebbeling served on council for 10 years before entering provincial politics in 1996. He served four years as a councillor and six as mayor.

Only a handful of close friends were invited to the November ceremony performed by a marriage commissioner and all were sworn to secrecy until Nebbeling planned to brief his colleagues at the first caucus meeting of the year, due to be held next month.

However, the story broke in the Vancouver media this week and with it came a flurry of attention on the couple and the issue.

Nebbeling is believed to be the most senior politician to have a same-sex marriage. At the time he was a cabinet minister. That changed on Monday when Premier Gordon Campbell shuffled his cabinet and Nebbeling was relegated to the back bench (see related story in Pique).

While Nebbeling said his political life played no role in the decision to get married he does hope that his profile and the marriage have a positive effect.

"I hope it strengthens other gay people to do what the right thing is for them, as Jan and I did, and I also hope that those who are opposed to gay marriages think a little more about it," said Nebbeling.

"I hope they will say, ‘hey, these guys have given a lot, they are hard working, they have 32 years commitment, those are values we would like to see in any married couple.’ So hopefully people will get more comfortable with it."

That may already be happening as Nebbeling has been inundated with faxes, e-mails and phone calls from people congratulating him on his marriage.

"And many, many of these are from non-gay married people," said Nebbeling adding that he fully expected to hear from people opposed to same sex weddings but hasn’t.

"So this is extremely positive."

Bob Gallagher, national co-ordinator of Canadians for Equal Marriage, has no doubt Nebbeling’s nuptials will have an impact.

"One thing it says is that we as a culture, a society and a country should take credit for the fact that we have made it friendly for this man to open up his life in this way," he said from Toronto.

"It also says something that it is still newsworthy. A lot of this is people just getting used to these facts. Let’s face it most of us don’t grow up in an environment where we think we know or see lesbians and gays and we are now having this giant coming out process."

That process also happened in the early days of AIDS, said Gallagher, where families, friends and colleagues learned who was gay because illness forced them to admit it.

"The same thing is happening here," said Gallagher.

"But rather than being forced out because of a medical condition they are being enticed out because they can have a more accepted life."

This can only be a good thing, he said. Slowly more and more people are realizing that they know someone who is gay or lesbian and that is debunking many of the stereotypes homosexuals been labelled with.

"I have always said that coming out was the key to attaining lesbian and gay advances because once someone knows someone who is gay or lesbian, who they know as a person rather than just a sexuality, then all of these fears and prejudices often just die away," said Gallagher.

And for those who don’t know a gay or lesbian personally seeing the image of a senior politician talking about his same-sex marriage, and the importance of his long-time partner to his life, will help bring down barriers too.

It may also act as a lifeline to young gays and lesbians living in places where there is little or no support.

"Many young people who realize they are gay don’t have anyone to turn to in their immediate circle," said Gallagher, who operates a gay and lesbian youth line.

"But what they do have is these images. They turn on the television and they see this couple getting married and those images are crucially important for that young person who is going through what they think is a completely isolating experience.

"It could make the difference between giving up and going on."

In non-urban areas, suicide among gay and lesbian youths is 14 times higher than it is among their heterosexual counterparts.

"The next best thing to someone listening to you is an image on television or on radio or in a newspaper," said Gallagher.

"So it is not only a delight to think that we are progressive and open and we are going to be attracting more tourists and more business people to settle here, it is important too, that we are going to set a really important image for our young people when they need that image the most."