"All you need for a movie is a girl and a gun."
- Jean-Luc Godard
Godard was the godfather of the French New Wave, a movement in the '50s and '60s that reinvented how the French made films and how the rest of the world watched them.
Apparently though, there's a cat in town here named Colin Wyniarsky who disagrees with Godard, and me, so much that he wrote a letter last week claiming my columns disgust him and all I ever do is "go on about how hot the girls in the movie are or how much gun shooting action we get to witness."
Guilty as charged.
Mr. Wyniarsky then claimed, "a small child could write a better movie review." Which I don't doubt. The kids are pretty advanced these days. Google "rainbow parties" if you don't believe me. I wish we'd thought of that.
Colin then implies that he wants Jesse Ferreras to write all the columns, which would essentially be taking food out of my kid's mouth. Why you gotta mess with a man's paycheque?
Usually, in this circumstance, I'd come up with a clever way to disparage Colin. Instead the DVD of the week goes out to him.
The Adventures of Priscilla: Queen of the Desert is a fantastic Aussie drama about two drag queens and a transsexual on a balls-out (literally) road trip into the outback. It stars Hugo Weaving, Guy Pearce and Terence Stamp and, aside from fantastic costumes and make-up, is also a really sweet flick. I'm not kidding, check it out Colin - no chicks, no guns.
Now for the rest of us, here are the top 10 "Hot Chick with a Gun" movies of all time.
Wanted - Angelina Jolie. I could also list Tomb Raider, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Foxfire, The Bone Collector and a handful more. Angelina understands what old Godard was talking about.
Sin City - Ever since seeing Son in Law twice in a row at the old Rainbow Theatre I've had a real thing for Carla Gugino. And you will too after her topless, gun-toting psychiatrist scene in this classic. Don't even get me started on the "Whore's Ambush" scene at the end. Alexis Bledel even shoots a gun!
Coffy - Pam Grier has great guns. See also Foxy Brown.
Chicks Who Love Guns - Not even a real movie, but this is featured in Tarantino's Jackie Brown and is basically just chicks in bikinis talking about automatic weapons and shooting stuffed animals and cookie jars. Find it on Youtube.
Avenging Angel - '80s outfits, big hair, synth soundtrack and, you guessed it GUNS! '80s brunettes are so much hotter than contemporary ones.
Hannie Caulder - Gun-toting Racquel Welch revenge western!
Swordfish - Travolta blows but Halle Berry in her ginch shooting guns doesn't.
A History of Violence - Maria Bello doesn't get enough credit for how hot she is, or how she handles a shotgun in this Cronenberg classic.
Once Upon a Time in Mexico - Eva Mendes and Salma Hayek. Schwing!
Cannibal Women in the Avacado Jungle of Death - I haven't seen it but the title sells me. Plus it has chicks with guns!
And I never even got to Milla Jovovich's career. Regardless, if you hate hot chicks, or guns, or me, or all three then don't come to the B-Grade Horrorfest on Oct 30. Instead, maybe stay home and rent Prizzi's Honor. No, wait... Kathleen Turner uses a pistol in that one, never mind.
