Notes from the Back Row 

Biebs and boobs

Her name is Brooklyn Decker. The girl in the bikini in the trailer for Adam Sandler's new movie Just Go With It - her name is Brooklyn Decker.

Brooklyn Decker is the reason anyone is going to see that movie this weekend. She's also a Victoria's Secret model and she recently graced the cover of the 2010 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Her acting experience is limited to music videos and TV cameos (Chuck, Ugly Betty) but Esquire Magazine recently crowned her the "Sexiest Woman Alive." No shit.

But can Brooklyn Decker save Just Go With It ? Probably not. For anyone distracted by Decker's personali-tits during the trailer, the gist of the film is this- Sandler wears a fake wedding ring to help him score chicks but when the girl he really likes (Decker) finds the ring he has to invent a fake soon-to-be-over marriage with his assistant (Jennifer Aniston) and her kids. Of course, Sandler's one little lie snowballs and soon everyone is riding the PG-13 romcom express on their way to reunited bliss.

There were no pre-screenings available for this one, that's always a bad sign. So is the involvement of Jennifer Aniston, whose best film appearance was 1999's Office Space . To Jen's credit, she seems to suit this role and it will most likely be director Dennis Dugan who ultimately drops the ball. Dugan has a few hits to his credit ( Happy Gilmore , Saving Silverman ) but for the most part he's been the director behind Sandler's dwindling career, helming flicks like Grown Ups , You Don't Mess with the Zohan and Big Daddy . The saving grace might be a script by Timothy Dowling ( Role Models , Thank You for Smoking ) but don't hold your breath. Of course, Brooklyn Decker's bikini scenes are worth admission but the PG-13 keeps things from ever getting epic.

Also opening this week, and also decidedly un-epic, is Justin Bieber - Never Say Never . To me, Bieber's music is a lot like a pap smear in that I'm pretty unfamiliar with both, and I don't think I would enjoy either one.

Of course a billion little girls (and probably some of their moms) disagree, at least about the music, and this concert video/origin story traces the Biebs' rise from a small-town Canadian kid following his dream into an Internet sensation and eventually a worldwide Brand.

Most interesting is the old home video footage of the Biebs banging away on the pots and pans (to his credit, at least he plays instruments.) Least interesting is the kid himself, although I guess at age 16, you can't blame a guy for coming across as vague and aloof. Overall, this "documentary," made by John Chu ( Step Up 2 & 3 ), reeks of publicists, handlers and Brand Managers. Local youngsters might be upset that Whistler can't screen Never Say Never in 3-D but from what I hear the 3D on this one is a sham cash grab and the movie is no better for it.

Finally, in keeping with my "all speculation, no facts" theme of last week, the next Oscar I'm gonna predict is Natalie Portman in Black Swan for Best Actress. I haven't seen three of the other flicks nominated but Portman's incredible ballet skills bring a new physicality to the craft that Oscar voters should dig. Speaking of physicality, both Portman and fellow nominee Michelle Williams had cunnilingus scenes in their nominated movies but advantage goes to Portman because hers was lesbo.

And finally, since we are talking best actress, I've already picked out the Oscar winner for 2012. Her name is Brooklyn Decker.

 

 

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