I missed the Emmy Awards last week and it’s probably a good thing. Three solid hours of me scratching my head and asking "Who’s that guy?" would have gotten a little tedious.
You swear that it’s never going to happen to you, but it is already happening – every day I’m finding myself more and more out of the loop. Like my parents before me, I’m officially out of touch with popular culture.
I’ve never seen an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, although apparently it’s been on for five whole seasons now and is one of the top rated shows on television.
I tried to watch Will and Grace to find out what everyone was talking about, but I gave up after 10 minutes. It’s not that I had a problem with the flamboyantly gay characters or all the racy references, I just didn’t think it was funny or edgy enough to justify all the audience "woos" or the incessant use of the laugh track.
Is it me, or is TV getting louder? It’s probably me.
I tried to watch an episode of ER a few weeks ago only to find that I didn’t know any of the characters any more.
I’ve never seen The West Wing or a full episode of The Sopranos, and the bit I did see didn’t impress me all that much. Aside from the fact that the characters yell and swear at one another, I actually found The Sopranos pretty boring.
I don’t like Sex and the City (or is it Sex in the City?) either, an opinion I reached after sitting through just two episodes. I didn’t find it amusing in the way that the show obviously found itself to be amusing, and I didn’t find the dialogue or the stories to be all that shocking. To tell you the truth, I was embarrassed for the characters for most of the time.
I’m familiar with Friends obviously, but only the older episodes that are being rerun every half hour. I didn’t even know Rachel was having a baby until I read a scathing criticism from a Globe and Mail entertainment columnist who was of the opinion that a baby would ruin the show. Whatever.
I gave up on the reality TV Survivor series after the first edition showed me how petty and depraved people can be.
I didn’t watch a single episode of American Idol because as far as I’m concerned they all suck.
What shows do I watch? I watch a lot of sports, although in the last few years I’ve kind of fallen out of that loop as well. I don’t know who all these newfangled players are, and I’m continually being surprised by trades that happened two seasons ago. I hate most of the announcers, with John Madden on Monday Night Football at the top of the list – I miss Dennis Miller, and I’ll probably be saying that every Monday night for the next five years.
I like Fear Factor for some reason, but I couldn’t tell you for a thousand dollars if it airs on a Monday or a Wednesday. If it’s on, I’ll watch it.
MuchMusic has become a waking nightmare for me because I no longer know the musicians or enjoy any of the popular music. Puddle of Mudd? Nickelback? Where did all this crap come from and how in the wide world of music did it get popular? On the opposite side of the crap spectrum, how many beautiful R&B artists need to collaborate with rappers before that genre gets old?
The Hives, The Vines, The White Stripes – all of these new bands are just ripping off punk and hard rock from the ’70s and ’80s. It beats a lot of the other stuff out there I admit, but as a result it’s been overplayed to the point it’s annoying.
I tend to listen to the classic rock radio stations – so called ‘oldies’ stations – because I find I can tolerate them more than these pathetic new music stations.
Even my rap and hip hop collection is getting old – A Tribe Called Quest packed it in five years ago and I still think of them as the epitome of the genre.
I still listen to a lot of new music, but it’s usually from old bands.
Also on the entertainment front, I enjoy my Playstation One, although back in the day we just called it the Playstation.
I rent VHS tapes because I don’t have a DVD player yet.
Although I like to think of myself as an intelligent and worldly person, I find I’m out of the loop at the video store as well. I won’t rent the movie that won over the judges at Cannes or at Sundance, but I will rent Zoolander or Freddy Got Fingered for a fifth time.
I am trying to read more books these days to entertain myself, but I wouldn’t say my choices in that department are exactly current either. I tend to lean more towards the classics and hold most current authors in low esteem.
It begs the question – is there any loop out there that I’m still in?
Well, like a lot of other old people, I’m really up on my current events. I watch the news and read newspapers, and am always trying to start loud conversations about what’s going on in the world.
I could tell you anything you needed to know about Saddam Hussein and Iraq dating back to the 1960s for example, and why the coming war is wrong.
I could give you an informed opinion on what’s ailing with the economy these days, and all that’s troubling Canada and the United Nations – providing that you have five or six hours to spare and don’t mind a little spit.
Just don’t ask me who J-Lo is dating right now, because I lost track after P Diddy.
Sometimes I think it’s high time I put myself back into the loop and got in touch with the people. Maybe it’s time I discovered why everybody loves Raymond, or sat down and watched music videos for a whole day so I could tell the difference between Creed and System of a Down. Maybe I need to watch ER, West Wing, Friends, The Sopranos and the new Survivor series so I won’t be left out of the conversation.
Because people definitely don’t want to talk about what’s going on in the world right now – it’s just too depressing.
