Pique n' Your Interest 

’Twas the week before Christmas

(With apologies to Clement C. Moore)

’Twas the week before Christmas

And all through the suite

Not a creature was stirring

(Our hamsters being deceased)

The stockings are hung by the TV with care

(We don’t have a fireplace, chimney or flare)

But we still hope that St. Nick (or a proxy)

Soon will be there

We decided not to bother with a tree this Yule season

Space is so tight and the needles displeasing

A poinsettia and basil plant will take the tree’s place

If we remember to water them, I doubt it, but hey…

We’re not greedy, but needy and for so many things

New skis and new snowboards and a bed that has springs

We’ve been ever so good, and ever so nice

Here’s hoping St. Nick doesn’t check his list twice

There I was all snug in my crappiest of beds

Visions of early Christmas deadlines dancing in my head

Tami in her jammies and me in my gitch

Settled down to try and sleep for a stretch

When outside of my window there arose such a clatter

I jumped out of bed to see what was the matter

False alarm, for what I heard was not Rudolph’s hoof

But rain melting ice chunks from off of the roof

It rained all day long, all the way up to the peak

A pineapple express and global warming sneak peek

By the next morning it froze until it was harder than glass

Edges had to be sharp or you’d fall on your ass

The Holiday stress is building with one week to go

And I still need to buy presents for Mom in T.O.

I haven’t forgotten, but I know that I’m toast

If I don’t meet the deadline at Canada Post

A girlfriend to buy for and I have no ideas

Always visitors coming who just have to see ya

Some last minute shopping looms large in my brain

A waste because my gifts are almost always exchanged

The holidays also mean that I’m working late shifts

So’s most of Whistler, we’re so full-up with guests

One of the sacrifices you make to live in the hills

Like selling your fillings to pay off your bills

What is Christmas anyway in these times

But crass commercialism dressed up to the nines

Family and friends are important, but I have to scoff

If there’s 12 days to Christmas how come I get just one off?

Scrooge though I am I still love this Yule stuff

And I’ll spend like I’m Trump (before he went bankrupt)

They’ll be presents and cookies and Christmas-sy cheer

And I’ve been Blitzen a little bit early this year

And I’ll wake up on Christmas feeling fat and content

Glad to have all my family and friends

They can’t all be near, but it’s still kind of pleasant

And on the bright side I’ll save money on presents

But I still have a long winter week to get through

With so little time and just so much to do

There’s phone calls to make and dry goods to accrue

And time management has never been my strong suit

Like Bing all I ask for is a Christmas that’s white

A few inches of snowfall to make things all right

And maybe a quick shot of Bailey’s or something with bite

To make Christmas merry for all and for me a good night.

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