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Deep Thoughts

"It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money."

I miss Jack Handey and those Deep Thought moments they used to run on Saturday Night Live, back when Phil Hartmann, Mike Myers and Jon Lovitz were cast members, and the actors rarely laughed at their own jokes. Weekend Update hasn't been really good since Norm MacDonald, but I digress.

I've had a few deep thoughts of my own lately.

I like pay parking, except for those times when I'm driving to the village - which I guess means I like the general idea of pay parking more than I like paying to park. However, I don't like the idea of pay parking at municipal hall because every one of those municipal employees currently driving to work is just going to park in the very limited free parking that will be available in the day skier lots across the road, leaving fewer free spots for the rest of us. That's where I'd park although I'd never admit it in public, being a supporter of pay parking.

If I could be any superhero I'd probably be the Hulk, because people would go out of their way to be extra nice to me. I would probably also wear a lot of stretchy Lycra instead of jeans and T-shirts because clothes are expensive these days - although people would probably laugh at me if I wore full-body Lycra and that would only make me mad a lot more often. Hmmm. On second thought I'd like to be Aqua Man because when the ice caps melt I'll be set.

The economic crisis isn't over until I get a raise.

I'm getting excited about the Olympics, even though I've been generally against the Games in their current overblown form. Is that wrong? It's like getting excited for Pancake Tuesday in February even when you're not giving anything up for Lent, will probably have pancakes again on Wednesday, and probably shouldn't even be eating syrup for various health reasons.

It's incredible to think that so many people will be in Whistler from all over the world during the Games, although the language issue could actually be a problem in a few ways - how do you say "On Your Left! No, your other left?" in German, Russian and Mandarin Chinese?

It was revealed at council last week that our so-called "green" library may not be as green as we were once led to believe. I could have told anybody that a long time ago. Our library is really more gray and brown if you don't include the green plants on the roof. Which I don't.

All the pundits are saying we may be due for another federal election, which is probably a good thing. I know, we just had one, but my "I Voted!" sticker fell off my backpack and I really liked that sticker. Maybe this time they'll hand out buttons and government can finally get to the business of running the country.

Sometimes I'll be driving down the highway and I'll see a whole bunch of those orange cones knocked down, and I'm like "What happened? Did somebody not see the cones? Was someone mad at the cones? Did a deer run out and make the driver swerve into the cones?" Then I'll hear the sound of cones bouncing off my bumper and snap out of it.

The Toronto Maple Leafs are going all the way this year! I say that every year just in case I get the chance to say "I told you so." I also favour the LA. Clippers, Detroit Lions and Montreal Expos.

I heard Chef Ramsay was in town filming that TV show where he yells at kitchen workers making a little better than minimum wage. I don't like that guy because of rumours he cheated on his wife. Also he's kind of a dick for yelling at kitchen workers making a little better than minimum wage.

London Drugs is opening in Squamish soon, which reminds me that London Drugs wanted to come to Whistler first but council wouldn't rezone a dark, dank and empty basement for it because people might want to recreate in there someday - probably the day when running a bowling alley where you can't have both a liquor licence and allow kids inside becomes profitable.

B.C. Transit still hasn't told us how much we're paying for the new bus depot and hydrogen fueling station, even though we're paying for 53 per cent of it and won't own it after the fact. Actually there's nothing funny about that at all, unless it's the fact that our current Transportation Minister is named Shirley Bond. When we hear how much it costs, we can say, "Shirley, you must be joking!" and have a laugh at our expense.




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