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Driver's Ed.

I'm not a great driver. I admit it. It took me months to learn to drive a standard car without stalling and even now I'm terrified driving the steep streets of Vancouver, lest I roll backwards into a car that's worth more than my life.

I'm not a great driver. I admit it. It took me months to learn to drive a standard car without stalling and even now I'm terrified driving the steep streets of Vancouver, lest I roll backwards into a car that's worth more than my life.

Even now, six years later, I still ride the clutch and occasionally miss-shift to the engine's everlasting sorrow. I also tend to wait until the road is completely clear before I merge with traffic because I'm not great at judging the speed of other vehicles, and have no faith in my ability to shift quickly enough to get up to speed with traffic. I'm "that guy."

But the fact that I'm not a great driver, and know it, has at least made me a safe driver. It all comes down to the fact that I don't trust myself - or anybody else, to be honest. As far as I'm concerned every car and truck on the road is out to get me.

In short, I try to do everything by the book. I took the Young Driver's of Canada course, and while I don't remember much from high school biology or math courses I remember every driving class and lesson like it was yesterday.

I had some extra incentive to concentrate. Not too far from the house I grew up in is a rehabilitation centre for people with spinal injuries, over half of them the result of car and motorcycle accidents. Every high school class visits that centre to get scared straight by young men and women who had their lives changed in an instant. I've never been in a car accident, but I know that I don't want to be.

That keeps me alert, checking mirrors and the speedometer constantly. I drive slowly (which means I drive the speed limit), and at night, when it's wet and the lines on the road are invisible, I might even drive a little below the limit which people seem to hate. My hands are almost always at 10-and-2, and I'm not shy using the brakes to slow down or warn off tailgaters. The car in front of me is always three seconds ahead and sometimes further - especially at night, when I know how annoying it is to have another vehicle's lights in your mirrors.

I also slow down and cover the horn while driving through intersections or passing through someone's blind spot. I check my own blind spot before changing lanes, even though a car would have to be travelling near the speed of light to surprise me. I'm always in the right-hand lane on the highway and only pass the occasional RV.

If I see someone walking or biking on the road I give him or her lots of space. If they're on the other side of the road I pull over as much as I can to give vehicles in the oncoming lane more space to pull out.

Most people are hypersensitive about their driving for some reason and don't take criticism well. You just don't tell your friend to back off the car in front or pick a lane already because it's a safe bet in case they will cease to be your friend at that moment. So you sit there, grab the "oh shit!" handle over the window and pretend that you're perfectly happy speeding, swerving and tailgating your way down the highway while the driver drinks coffee, eats sunflower seeds and text messages his girlfriend. It's your life too, but for some reason it's just not cool to say anything.

So I'll say it for you. Here are the rules of the road in 200 words or less. It may seem redundant, but based on what I see around here it bears repeating:

The speed limit is THE limit, not the suggested minimum. The yellow centre lines are lava and should be avoided. You should have two hands on the wheel most of the time. If you can't operate your stereo without looking then you should just pick a station and live with it. Cell phones and texting devices are illegal without hands-free. You need to have a minimum three-second gap behind the car ahead of you or you are tailgating - riding another vehicle's bumper doesn't make them go faster or improve your gas mileage. Fog lights are for fog. High beams are for the first car in a line, when there are no cars in the oncoming lane. You should decelerate on exit ramps, not go faster. Don't merge for the hell of it - passing two cars and merging in heavy traffic, like at Village Gate or just south of Creekside, gets you nowhere and is dangerous. Signs that say a passing lane is ending in 200 metres are generally accurate - and 200 metres comes fast on the highway. Bicycles are entitled to a WHOLE lane if you can't pass safely. Going through yellow lights is dangerous and screws over people trying to turn. If a car has to slam on the brakes to let you to pull out into traffic then you didn't have time.

I know everybody reading this is an awesome driver and it's timid guys like me that make the roads unsafe, but even Sidney Crosby needs to practice his skating sometimes. Take it with a grain of road salt.