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Slim Santa- Get Stuffed

Father Christmas whips himself into shape Santologists refute existence of "bowlful of jelly" Santa; today’s Chris Kringle is a lean, clean, gift-giving machine Santa Claus, it seems, has been given a bum rap. A big bum rap.

Father Christmas whips himself into shape

Santologists refute existence of "bowlful of jelly" Santa; today’s Chris Kringle is a lean, clean, gift-giving machine

Santa Claus, it seems, has been given a bum rap. A big bum rap. Specifically, there is some concern in the scientific community that the waist and seat size of Santa’s pants have been grossly exaggerated over the years.

When Clement Clarke Moore penned his famous "’Twas the Night Before Christmas" in 1822 (as a present for his two daughters, Margaret and Charity), it is believed that he took some liberty with his depiction of St. Nick; a.k.a. Chris Kringle; a.k.a. Father Christmas; a.k.a. Santa Claus.

It turns out that Moore had never actually met the man, and most definitely never confronted him in his living room that fateful Christmas Eve long ago. ’Twas was not a first-hand account of a genuine Santa siting, as was first believed, it was just a harmless poem he wrote to entertain his daughters.

Or seemingly harmless. That poem, later illustrated by a friend of Moore’s, perpetuated the illusion that Santa:

"Had a broad face, and a little round belly / that shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly / He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf / And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself."

It was a powerful and somewhat appealing illusion of Santa, one that would eventually become accepted as a Christmas fact over the years. It was an illusion that was perpetuated in other Christmas stories, in movies and TV shows, in picture books, in parades, on the street and in the malls.

As a result, it’s become almost impossible to think of Santa as anything other than a "chubby, plump, old elf" with cheeks like roses and a nose like a cherry.

The research, however, is in – Santa Claus, while certainly big-boned, is far from plump. In fact, according to a team of experts from St. Francis Xavier University in Antigonish, Nova Scotia, Santa is in excellent physical condition.

"The fact that Santa is a big man does not mean he is overweight, unfit or unhealthy," says Department of Kinetics professor Debbie Vossen.

"Our research indicates that St. Nick must have gained and maintained a high level of health and fitness over the years. This is demonstrated by his ability to remain efficient at delivering gifts to so many children around the world each Christmas Eve."

When Moore wrote ’Twas , it was a very different time. The globe, though thoroughly traveled, still had a few question marks on it. Canada itself was only a few settlements here and there, with all commerce and population concentrated in the East. The U.S. was relatively unpopulated, with settlements restricted almost entirely to the Atlantic seaboard. Europe, while undoubtedly well-settled, was still relatively unpopulated by today’s standards.

The simple fact of the matter is that there are far more children in the world since Moore’s day, whether or not you believe in the accuracy of his vision.

"While this plump image may have been accurate at the time, its endurance for more than a century and a half does not correspond with historical evidence which points to Santa actually improving his fitness level over the years," says Dr. Vossen.

"Our research indicates that the number of good girls and boys around the world has increased substantially since then, as the world’s population has grown. Therefore, today’s Santa is required to make many more deliveries as well as climb up and down a great many more chimneys before sunrise on Christmas morning.

"Given this increased workload, and the fact that Santa cannot take a Christmas Eve off, he must remain illness-free as well as possess high levels of joint flexibility, muscular strength, muscular endurance and cardio-respiratory fitness. That can only be achieved through regular physical activity and healthy eating."

Even with the help of a magic nose to get up and down the chimney, and a team of highly trained reindeer to pull his sleigh, the act of reaching into his sack over and over again would require a fit and flexible Santa.

Hazarding a guess as to how Santa maintains the physique required to visit so many in so short a time, St.FX researchers concluded that Santa’s exercise routine likely involves some cross-training: stretching, resistance training, and some activity to raise his hearth rate. Since he lives in the North Pole, cross-country skiing is a definite possibility, and scientists believe he may have a added a gym to the workshop.

In addition to training, it is believed that Santa leads a healthy lifestyle, pitching in with the elves whenever he can and shouldering his share of the household chores.

"For example, because of the cold, ice and snow characteristic of the North Pole, Santa likely assists his elves in carrying wood in a sack to keep fires going for warmth, as well as climbing up and down ladders to remove snow from the rooftops in Santa’s Village. These activities help him to remain conditioned for gift-carrying and any chimney climbing required of him on Dec. 24," says Dr. Vossen.

Contrary to popular belief, Santa researchers or "Santologists", say the big man is not inclined to snacking on cookies and hot chocolate. While he may make the occasional exception, it’s obvious that he would rather keep it light in accordance with his training.

"It’s much more likely that Santa eats healthy snacks like vegetables with dip, fruit, lower-fat cheese and yogurt during the year in order to maintain his optimum level of health and fitness," says Department of Human Nutrition professor Ann Sullivan.

"We feel that Santa Claus eats a balanced diet. It appears that both Santa and Mrs. Claus have adopted a heart-healthy eating pattern that includes plenty of vegetables, fruit and whole grain cereal products. Their healthy lifestyles also indicate they’re choosing lower-fat meats and milk products, while increasing their consumption of fish."

Since the elves are rarely seen outside of the workshop, it’s safe to assume that they eat what Santa eats, and probably perform calisthenics to warm up for all that singing and pre-Christmas rush overtime.

While it is customary to offer milk and cookies on Christmas Eve to say "thanks and keep up the good work," things are changing.

"On Christmas Eve, Santa does enjoy the occasional cookie as a special treat, but children should also consider leaving out other healthy snacks that would give him the energy he needs to continue on his trek," says Dr. Sullivan. "This would include a sandwich, veggies or fruit."

Dr. Sullivan and Dr. Vossen also want to remind children to be careful not to leave out snacks with mayonnaise or eggs for Santa, as these foods must be kept refrigerated. Failure to do so could result in a stomach ache and leave Santa feeling too bloated to squeeze up chimneys.

If eggs or mayo is a must, "we could leave a message for Santa to check the refrigerator," says Dr. Sullivan. "After all, we don’t want anything to interfere with his Christmas Eve journey!"

Although the St.FX study involved some extrapolation based on the facts, Doctors Sullivan and Vossen plan to stay up all night and watch the chimney this Dec. 24. They have also rigged up a special scale, not unlike the scale Whistler black bear researcher Michael Allen uses to weigh his bears, to determine Santa’s exact weight.