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The 2000 Maxie Awards

The voting’s over; the ballots are in. Same old PM in Canada and finally a new Pres in the US, Bush Lite.

The voting’s over; the ballots are in. Same old PM in Canada and finally a new Pres in the US, Bush Lite. But more eagerly anticipated than either of those yawners, the accounting firm of Countem, Fixem and Lye have tabulated all the votes for the Faux Millennium, Year 2000 Maxie Awards. The envelopes please.

MOUNTAIN AWARDS

Best Improvement – Whistler Division:

Gee, let’s see. Could it be DUSTY’S? The rest of the new Creekside is very nice – confusing, but nice – but Dusty’s II is stunning. Lots of warmth, good sound, an atmosphere that just shouts "Take your clothes off and dance on the tables!" and more or less the whole sick crew still working the front of the house. And here I was afraid I’d have to upgrade my wardrobe to feel comfortable in the new digs.

Best Improvement – Blackcomb Division:

I’m sure something’s being planned for the new millennium. Watch this space.

Now You See-Em, Now You Don’t Award:

Proving management of even a large corporation can be flexible and change policy when needed, W-B declines to release skier visits for the first time after Y2K-freaked tourists stay away in droves over the holidays but has no trouble finding the "start" button on the PR machine when the two millionth visitor shows up. Whatever happened to through thick and thin?

Foregone Conclusion Even in B.C. Award:

Hugh Smythe is honoured with B.C. Tourism’s first annual Tourism Industry Leader of the Year award. They might as well retire the award now.

Stay of Execution Award:

Another year of free – if confusing – parking at Creekside. Now I know how Damocles felt.

POLITICS AS USUAL AWARDS

Aw, but You Promised Award:

In the last municipal election, the successful candidates all promised to find new, innovative ways to gather input from the community. I don’t think seances and Ouija boards count, guys. We’re still waiting.

I Didn’t Know the Real Pimp and Ho Party was at Muni Hall:

Council – with one obvious dissenting vote – decides cash is an amenity, as in, "Will you take cash to look the other way and approve a zoning variance to my property?" Let’s see, if council is now in the business of turning tricks for cash, that makes them...?

Justice is Not Only Blind, She’s Stupid as a Bag of Hammers:

A B.C. Supreme Court judge sentences 72-year-old Betty Krawczyk and Barney Kern to jail for one year for contempt of court when they violated an injunction and peacefully protested the rape of the Elaho. Crown counsel cuts a deal with the redneck loggers, who busted protester heads and hospitalized three people, that will most likely see them get suspended sentences. I think the message here is clear. Peaceful protest is bad; violence is good. Who could possibly be contemptuous of thinking like that?

Power Corrupts; Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely:

To the new idiot liquor inspector from Squamish who thinks bullying, intimidation and over the top threats and fines are the way to impress his bosses. You can only be the boogey man so long before karma catches you. Hell, even Glen Clark found that out. Pull your head out before it’s too late.

Lost in the Wilderness Award:

To BCAL, for so completely screwing up the process of managing the backcountry it will likely take a herd of lawyers the better part of this millennium to sort things out. Like touring in the backcountry, managing it requires some kind of plan and a whole lot of understanding, tools sadly missing from BCAL’s backpack.

IT’S ALL ABOUT BIZ AWARDS

Best New Restaurant Award:

The fix is in. Dusty’s, hands down. Even without the fix, any place serving REAL barbeque would have won this award. Now if all you rib-boilers out there would just clean up your act and start cooking them the way they should be cooked, we might start a trend.

Best New Nosh:

A toss up. Avalanche Pizza proves independents can still make a go of it in the village and offers Whistleratics a welcome change from chain pizza with a side of heavy-handed politics. Pasta Lupino in Marketplace delivers the rest of us from stale, packaged "fresh" pasta by providing the real thing at a real price. Woohoo, two new places I can afford.

Most Welcome Construction Chaos Award:

Nesters. Someday there will be a bigger store, more parking and the same low prices. Right now, there’s just a glimpse of hell.

If You Can’t Have Drugs, at Least You Can Have Skis:

Wild Willies tweaks the Borg’s nose and opens a tiny, perfect ski shop at Creekside. Way to go, Bill.

LIFE IN WHISTLER AWARDS

Best Party of the Year:

Dusty’s Last Stand. Take equal parts sunshine, nostalgia, overcrowding and loud music. Throw in a little skin, a little rowdiness, a lot of beer, anal-retentive police, archaic liquor laws. Shake until your booty falls off. Yields historical hangover, several legal charges and a 10-day closure to be served in January. You rock, Whistler.

Stubbornness in the Face of Stupidity Award:

To all the people and groups who continue to fight the forces of darkness that insist the highest and best use of old growth forests in the Elaho is toothpicks. The fight is forever and the enemy strong. Adopt their tactics; the courts seem to approve.

If You Build Them, They Will Come – On Weekends, Maybe:

The Peaks, Sun Ridge, Horstman Estates, Nick North, the Greedy, the Rapacious, the Arrogant Wasters and all the rest who just have to build monster homes to be truly happy in life. When you’re standing at the Pearly Gates, no one’s going to care how big your dick is. Grow up.

So I’m Allowed to be Inconsistent Award:

Akasha, Andy & Bonnie Munster’s ode to art, opulence and psychoanalysis. I never thought a monster home could be so intimate, so beautiful and so infused with artistic spirit and soul. I’m still not sure whether it’s part of the problem or part of the solution.

It’s Not As Much Fun, But the Bears Like It a Lot More:

To all the people working together in the Black Bear Management Program. Imagine, a whole year with only one "bad" bear shot to death.

Girls and Boys Just Want To Have Fun Award:

To Shari Wahl for putting a capper on the slow-pitch season with the first Locals Lottery Tournament. Great idea, great turn-out. Let’s do it again.

Ouch! That Whip Hurts Award:

To Bob and Kathy Barnett for herding a bunch of unruly writers together long enough to actually get Whistler: History in the Making produced, published and printed in time for the 25 th anniversary of our very own Resort Municipality. Volume II, anyone?


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