Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love, and the message from the Canadian Mental Health Association this year is that it’s okay to love yourself.
According the CMHA it’s not uncommon for single people to experience feelings of sadness, loneliness and inadequacy around Valentine’s Day. There are no statistics, but one European poll found that one in 10 young adults were depressed around Valentine’s, while over 40 per cent feel negatively or indifferent about Valentine’s Day.
"I think there’s a greater recognition out there not everyone matches the ideal, that there are people who are lonely and struggling in your life that are having some harder emotions at this time of year," said Sarah Hamid-Balma, of the Canadian Mental Health Association, B.C. Division.
To help people cope with the stress of Valentine’s Day, the CMHA has put together a list of suggestions. The focus this year, says Hamid-Balma, is on celebrating yourself.
"On Valentine’s Day there’s a lot of focus on being in a couple and romantic relationships, we decided to focus on taking care of yourself – whether spending the time reconnecting with friends and family, or spending the day at a spa," she said. "The community you live in also has a role to play as well – it’s important to recognize that some people in your life may be feeling down, and in need of some cheering up."
The list of suggestions are mostly based on common sense, as well as research and mental health best practices.
• Take time to appreciate the most important person in your life – you. Make a list of everything you have going for you and post it on your fridge. Treat yourself to something: a movie (no romances!), a day at the spa, a trip to the museum, a sporting event, or even just a relaxing day at home with a good book and no chores.
• Being single can be fun. Throw a singles-only party or attend one someone else is having. Or just hang out with friends and do something fun. You’re not the only unattached one out there.
• Remember that lovers may come and go, but good friends and family are around forever. Call up pals just to say hi and go out for lunch or dinner. Tell your parents you love them. Buy something nice for your dog. Reach out to someone you love who might need your attention. Reminding people they matter reminds yourself that you do, too.
• Send Valentine cards. Revive the ancient schoolyard tradition and send silly cards to old friends you haven’t talked to in years, new friends you’d like to know better, your neighbours and your family. Hand some out to strangers on the street and slip anonymous ones into mailboxes.
• Don’t forget to express feelings to the guys in your life. A U.K. Valentine’s Day survey showed 65 per cent of men had said "I love you" to a partner, compared to only 49 per cent of women. It also found a small proportion of the 1,000 people surveyed were more likely to tell their pets they loved them than male relatives.
• If you’ve recently broken up with someone and start to miss them around Valentine’s make a list of all the reasons it’s better that you’re apart. When all else fails, remember that up to a quarter of U.K. adults admit arguing with their partner on Valentine’s Day itself.
• Remember, romantic relationships aren’t without their share of negative feelings. In fact, researchers have found that romantically-involved teens were more likely to be depressed than if they hadn’t found romance, especially the girls. The reasoning is that girls may tend to base their self-esteem and self-worth on romantic relationships more than boys do and will distort their own identities to make the relationship work. It’s true, in part, for adults too: research shows that having an unhealthy marriage is worse for your mental health and can elevate the risk of depression more than not being married – and this is particularly true for women.
• Hey, think of the savings. According to the Retail Council of Canada, we spend a lot on gifts during the annual Valentine’s Day season. In 2003, $20 million was spent at flower shops, $58 million was spent at jewelry stores, $47 million was spend at gift and card shops, and $144 million was invested in boxed chocolates and other confections.
• The ‘winter blahs can’t be helping either. With unusually wet and dark weather across many parts of B.C., fight off the winter blahs which could only be worsening problems. Fifteen per cent of (British Columbians) feel lower in mood during the winter and two to three per cent of us will have more serious symptoms.
• Focus on the greatest source of love currently in your life. This is another positive way to reconnect with loving feelings. The source could be anyone or anything: a memory, a poem, a painting, spiritual or religious writings, even a beloved pet.
• Look at the global picture. A great way to gain perspective is to volunteer for a vulnerable group in the community.
• For those who have lost a partner through death, divorce or separation, Valentine’s Day can remind you of Valentine’s Days past and the fact that you are no longer part of a couple. Allow yourself to be sad and don’t be afraid to acknowledge your regrets. Writing a loved one a letter (whether you mail it or not) and planning a special ritual can all be ways to help you say goodbye and "I love you".
