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The return of the other King

If you're 11 years old and easy to amuse, the new Agent Cody Banks opens this week at the Village 8. Yippee. The rest of us can check out Mystic River , a decent movie we saw three months ago that won two Oscars and has been re-released.

If you're 11 years old and easy to amuse, the new Agent Cody Banks opens this week at the Village 8. Yippee. The rest of us can check out Mystic River , a decent movie we saw three months ago that won two Oscars and has been re-released. Or we can see the newest Stephen King story to hit the big screen, Secret Window. Starring Johnny Depp (still so hot right now), this film tells the tale of a writer who, after discovering his wife in the sack with another man, retreats to the healthy seclusion of a bottle and a cabin in the woods. Here he struggles with writer's block and all the other distractions of having to divorce your cheating wife. To make things interesting, Depp is confronted by a creepy stranger (John Turturro, one of the most underrated actors out there) claiming Depp stole his story. It gets scary and strange after that.

Doesn't sound like much, I know, but Johnny Depp rarely makes crappy movies (yeah The Astronaut's Wife sucked) and Johnny T never does. Add to that the fact that writer/director David Koepp also wrote Spider-Man, Carlito's Way, and Stir of Echoes and this film has promise. The clincher is, however, Stephen King, the master of contemporary American literature, who wrote the story upon which Secret Window is based. With a shitload of bestselling novels and no fewer than 50 movies associated with his writing, King is, well, the king.

Think The Shining , one of the best horror movies ever made. Or Misery , another tale of a writer with an obsessive fan that blew minds and won a fat chick an Oscar (that's Kathy Bates, and she ruled it.) How about Carrie , the original high-school prom horror flick. Other Stephen King adaptations include such classics as The Shawshank Redemption, Stand by Me, Cujo, The Green Mile, Christine and the list goes on. With a well-developed, suspenseful script, strong direction and camera work and a stellar cast, as well as the Stephen King golden touch, Secret Window promises to shine a fresh light on the torment and pain of being a brilliant writer in a bland, unforgiving world.

Yeah it sucks, man, let me tell ya. Seriously though, Stephen King was once so drunk and drug-addled he doesn't even remember writing the book Cujo , and it was still pretty damn good. That's talent.

The Rainbow theatre is screening Cheaper by the Dozen for their early show. After playing at the Village 8 for what seems like forever, this movie is starting to feel like a bad case of the crabs; just go away, please. For the late show, the Rainbow is screening The Butterfly Effect starring Ashton Kutcher. I was a bit hard on this one the first time around; It isn't that bad. Oh, speaking of hard ons, Amy Smart plays Kutcher's love interest in this one. Plus she's also in Starsky and Hutch , which is the best flick to spend your money on this week.

Or, if you don't have any money, go to the Garibaldi Lift Company on Thursday, March 18. They're screening the ultra-fantastic ’60s arthouse classic Faster Pussycat, Kill Kill at 7 p.m. Part of their new dinner and a movie thing to get you stoked for Thursdays. Pussycat tells the tale of three witty kung fu Go-go dancers with massive breasts and incredibly fast sports cars who kill a sissy guy, kidnap his girlfriend and end up in all kinds of trouble. Directed by the legendary Russ Meyer, Faster Pussycat, Kill Kill is one of my personal favourites, the perfect mix of humour, wit and cleavage. You can't lose, It's absolutely rack-tacular.

At Village 8 March 12-18: Secret Window, Cody Banks 2, Mystic River, Last Samurai, Miracle, The Passion of the Christ, 50 First Dates, Monster, Lord of the Rings, Starsky and Hutch, Hidalgo.

At Rainbow Theatre March 12-18: Cheaper by the Dozen, The Butterfly Effect.