WTF... is love 

One woman's search for the answer

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I have been experiencing Valentine's Day for over 30 years. The first 10 years were great; my dad would come home every year with heart-shaped boxes of chocolates for my mother, myself and my sisters. It was father/daughter love and we looked forward to it every year. The next 20 years were not as good.

When I think back to all the Valentine's Days that I have experienced, I honestly cannot remember a fabulous one, one where I felt totally loved. My memories are of being away from my partner, or loneliness due to not having a partner, or feelings of disappointment usually caused by unrealistic expectations. The best ones have been spent with my girlfriends or solo with a bottle of Champagne and a bubble bath, which has been my Valentine's Day ritual for many years.

But as Valentine's Day 2011 drew near I was actually stoked. I had finally found it! Yup, this Valentine's Day would be different. This Valentine's Day I would be in that bubble bath with my lover and the Champagne... or so I thought.

A few months ago I was blessed with a totally unexpected love affair. It was mind blasting, better than the ones that happen in the cheesy romance novels. Why? Because it caught me totally off guard, it was fun and exciting and full of laughter and adventure. It was two full weeks of easy companionship and incredible intimacy. One of the best parts was that there was complete freedom to be whoever we wanted to be. When we parted there were no promises or expectations. However, there was the missing... the soul aching for that person that you reach for in the middle of the night. Then there were the messages, emails and gifts, followed by the excitement of counting the days until we would see each other again. There is a great proverb that states "the reward for patience is more patience." Well, I was patient, more patient then I have ever been. However, there was no reward... or so I thought because the reunion day came and went and that was the day I was left all alone.

What? How did this happen, I asked myself? I had actually trusted him and believed that he would show up. I had let go of all my fears and put myself way out there on that limb; I had fallen in love and this time I actually believed that it would work out. This was not a teenage love affair; I am a woman with lots of relationship and love experience. I have had flings and I know a line when I hear one. I have also learned that, even though I love the bad boys, they are not the best for me.

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