By Rob Brezsny
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Five years ago, I began making daily
bike rides all over creation, through neighborhoods and wild spaces alike.
Early on, I realized I'd regularly have to deal with loose dogs running toward
me with the intent to bite. For protection, I armed myself with pepper spray
and yummy treats. In all that time, I'm happy to report, I've squirted just one
dog in the face. On the other hand, I've doled out hundreds of dollars' worth
of canine snacks. Here's how this relates to your imminent future, Aries: When
a beastly influence shows up, you may think you should bring out your
equivalent of pepper spray. But I bet that offering treats will serve you
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Many critics consider Maurice Ravel
(1875-1937) to be one of the 20th century's best composers. He is most famous
for "Bolero," an orchestral piece that was originally written as the
accompaniment for a ballet. The stimulus that served as Ravel's major
inspiration for "Bolero" was a visit to a cacophonous steel mill.
He's your role model for the coming week, Taurus. I foresee you drawing
creative excitement from events that are rife with noise and commotion. May
your messy encounters lead you to produce great work, interesting surprises, or
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): This week I highly recommend that you
NOT sit on a photocopier to create images of your buttocks. For reasons too
complex to go into here, doing so would put you out of alignment with the
cosmic flow. However, now is an excellent time for you to make other strong
statements that involve your backside, at least metaphorically. For instance,
you will attract fate's favors whenever you get your ass in gear to get to the
bottom of things. Luck will also flow your way in direct proportion to how
earnestly and rigorously you kick your own butt.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Some studies report that drinking
moderate amounts of alcohol regularly is good for your heart. Other research
says that's not true at all. Similarly, the frequent use of cell phones either
raises the risk for brain cancer or it doesn't; prayer done on behalf of sick
people either helps them or it doesn't. Different scientists have come to opposite
conclusions on both issues. In fact, contradictory opinions about a wide range
of health concerns are now routine. That's just one of several good reasons why
you should tune out experts as you tune into your own body, Cancerian. Go in
quest of insights about how to promote your physical well-being by trusting
your still, small inner voice, not loud, confident authorities.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You may soon have a dream of beating up
the person you were five years ago. This would be a good omen. It means you're
ready to wean yourself completely from a stale old self-image. If you dream of
feeding caviar and champagne to a donkey, it's also a positive sign. It means
you're beginning to recognize that the hard-working beast in you needs to be
treated more luxuriously. And if you dream of yelling at a bunch of kids to go
clean up their messy bedrooms, Leo, that's an auspicious portent as well. It
signifies your readiness to discipline the irresponsible habits and organize
the unruly impulses of your inner child.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): "People rarely succeed unless
they have fun in what they are doing," said motivational author Dale
Carnegie. Those should be your words to live by for the rest of 2006. It's time
for you to become almost ruthless in your intention to enjoy yourself as you
carry out your life's work. I'm tempted to go so far as to say that you should
disentangle yourself from any commitment in which duty overshadows pleasure.
Your drive to do good deeds and be of use to people will ultimately fall short
unless you love what you do.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You've slipped into the Anything-Goes
Zone. It has resemblances to a duty-free store in an international airport, a
speakeasy during the Prohibition Era, and the more benign areas of the Twilight
Zone. There you may very well experience events that seem to happen off the
record and days that take place outside of time. You could feel like you're in
a buffer zone or waiting room—a nerve-wracking sanctuary where you're
safe and yet filled with doubts and pregnant questions. At least half the cards
will be wild. Exceptions to the rules will be the rule. My advice? Experiment
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Recently, less than five percent of
the world's astronomers voted to demote Pluto from a planet to a "dwarf
planet." Some Scorpios were alarmed, since Pluto is the heavenly body that
traditionally rules your sign. My opinion? Don't worry. I agree with
mythologist Roxanna Bikadoroff, who says there's poetic justice in calling Pluto
a dwarf planet. In fairy tales, dwarves are often magicians who possess hidden
storehouses of riches and act as agents of creative transformation. They
typically live beneath bridges, which are symbols of transitional thresholds,
and are masters of in-between states. They bestow blessings on anyone who is
able to pass their demanding tests. This is an apt symbolic description of you
at your most potent, which I expect you to be during the coming weeks.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): An adventurer named Brian Walker
has plans to climb aboard a homemade missile and launch himself 20 miles into
the sky using a giant crossbow. According to
magazine, he has figured out all the angles,
including how to descend, and will probably pull off the feat without killing
himself. It so happens that you also have the potential to propel yourself
higher, farther, and faster than maybe you've ever gone, though in a safer and
more metaphorical way. What's the closest symbolic analogue you have to a giant
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Help! Pluto's not a planet any
more! Won't that disastrously tweak astrological theory? Actually, no. Nothing
whatsoever has changed about Pluto in its role as a revealer of cosmic
portents. All that has shifted are the ideas about Pluto that reside in the
minds of 424 astronomers who were at the International Astronomical Union's
conference in Prague. ("I'm embarrassed for astronomy," said Alan
Stearn, science chief of NASA's mission to Pluto. "Less than 5 percent of
the world's astronomers voted on the change.") Still, it's important to
note how many millions of people take this tiny group's delusions seriously.
Let this be a reminder for you to be very discriminating about whose
definitions you choose to believe. Use it as a prod to be more aggressive in
giving your own names and frames to life's mysteries.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You don't need any special climbing
skills to reach the top of Tanzania's Mt. Kilimanjaro. It's the highest
walkable mountain in the world. That doesn't mean it's an easy conquest. You've
got to be in good physical shape. To avoid altitude sickness, you must ascend
gradually enough to acclimatize yourself to steadily decreasing levels of
oxygen. This happens to be an apt metaphor for the current state of your fate,
Aquarius. You have a chance to begin a project that could lead you to a summit
with inspiring vistas.
need to master any exotic new skills to do it, and can pull it off as long as
you're patient, take good care of yourself, and are willing to both respect
your limits and push yourself harder than usual.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): "There is nothing worse than a
brilliant image of a fuzzy concept," said photographer Ansel Adams. That
advice should be uppermost in your mind as you follow your bliss to the next
fork in the road. Although you've got good intuitions about the hopeful
scenario that's fueling you, the fantasy still needs to be fleshed out a lot
more. Unless you make it more specific and detailed, it will eventually fizzle.
Here's your assignment: By the equinox, create a vivid image of a well-crafted,
intricately imagined goal.
In addition to this column, Rob Brezsny creates EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES, in-depth weekly forecasts designed to inspire and uplift you. To buy access, phone 1-888-499-4425. And be sure to visit his Web site at www.freewillastrology.com.