Horoscopes

ARIES (March 21-April 19): What should you do if your allies get bogged down by excess caution or lazy procrastination? Here's what I advise: Don't confront them or berate them. Instead, cheerfully do what must be done without their help.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Two seven-year-old girls showed me three tricks I could use to avoid taking myself too seriously and getting too attached to my dignity.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Truth decay is in its early stages. If you take action soon, you can prevent a full-scale decomposition.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): In the coming weeks, I hope you won't scream curses at the rain, demanding that it stop falling on you.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Can you imagine feeling at home in the world no matter where you are? If you eventually master this art, outer circumstances won't distort your relationship with yourself.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Using scissors, snip off a strand of your hair. As you do, sing a beloved song with uplifting lyrics.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): I apologize in advance for the seemingly excessive abundance of good news I'm about to report. If you find it hard to believe, I won't hold your skepticism against you.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Free your body. Don't ruminate and agonize about it. FREE YOUR BODY! Be brave and forceful. Do it simply and easily. Free your gorgeously imperfect, wildly intelligent body. Allow it to be itself in all of its glory.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): You now have more luxuriant access to divine luck than you've had in a long time. For the foreseeable future, you could be able to induce semi-miraculous twists of fate that might normally be beyond your capacities.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Upcoming adventures might make you more manly if you are a woman. If you are a man, the coming escapades could make you more womanly. How about if you're trans? Odds are that you'll become even more gender fluid.