Horoscopes

ARIES (March 21-April 19): "I'm greedy," says painter David Hockney, "but I'm not greedy for money — I think that can be a burden — I'm greedy for an exciting life.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): This is an indelicate oracle. If you're offended by the mention of bodily functions in a prophetic context you should STOP READING NOW. Still here? OK.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Sometimes you quit games too early, Aries. You run away and dive into a new amusement before you have gotten all the benefits you can out of the old amusement. But I don't think that will be your problem in the coming days.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Are you good at haggling? Do you maybe even enjoy the challenge of negotiating for a better price, of angling for a fairer deal? The coming week will be a favourable time to make extensive use of this skill.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): I've got a good feeling about your relationship with intimacy in the coming weeks.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): "If Taylor Swift is going to have six breakups a year," observed comedian Bill Maher, "she needs to write a new song entitled 'Maybe It's Me.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): "A good story should make you laugh, and a moment later break your heart," wrote Chuck Palahniuk in his book Stranger Than Fiction. From what I can tell, Aries, the sequence is the reverse for you.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): "No regrets? Really?" asks author Richard Power. "I have regrets. They are sacred to me. They inform my character. They bear witness to my evolution.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): You seem primed to act like a ram, the astrological creature associated with your sign.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): An Indian student named Sankalp Sinha has invented the "Good Morning Sing N Shock." It's an alarm clock that plays you a song and gives you a small electrical jolt when you hit the snooze button.