Maxed Out

Q: What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? A: One is a scum sucking bottom dweller and the other is a fish. I am who I am. I am not what I do. Oddly enough, there are people who don't understand the distinction.

Now that the kiddies are back in school and the summer that wasn't is quickly becoming the autumn that is, it's time to turn our attention to more grown up matters we've been neglecting, like balancing our cheque books, finding our skis in that hapha

Ten years ago, I was celebrating the acquisition of Smilin' Dog Manor. No TV, no radio, just pre-autumnal silence.

You can fool some of the people some of the time. Usually, fooling some of the people is enough to accomplish what you want.

"Is it safe?... Is it safe?" "You're talking to me?" "Is it safe?" "Is what safe?" "Is it safe?" "I don't know what you mean. I can't tell you something's safe or not, unless I know specifically what you're talking about.

If the road to Hell is paved with good intentions then the Devil is in the details. Like so many idioms and proverbs, this one is in direct opposition to the one that states God is in the details.

The road to Hell - assuming it still exists - is paved with good intentions. So, apparently, is the road to utopia, assuming your utopia is a greener-than-green, carbon-neutral, zero-waste community.

So, what exactly is it we do well again? Oh yeah, visitor satisfaction. We keep our company satisfied. That in itself is a stellar accomplishment in this summer of discontent.

I blame it on the weather. Why not? Everybody else is. ICBC is blaming higher insurance rates on the weather.

I feel like a victim. I don't like the feeling. I would, by far, prefer to be the victimizer in the limited dichotomy of victim-victimizer. It pays better and it's generally good for a lot more laughs.