Pique'n Yer Interest

The Olympics are closing in. The countdown has begun. News organizations have flocked to Whistler to commemorate just one more year of waiting. RCMP helicopters and who knows what else are gazing down on us from above.

There's a great Far Side comic that's a perfect illustration of Rene Girard's theories about scapegoating. Wayne, a lonely, bespectacled man, sits in his bedroom. He looks out his window upon a crowd of protesters.

In light of all the recent uproar over Games spending and borrowing in Vancouver, here is the speech that I would someday like to hear from Jacques Rogge, president of the International Olympic Committee: "Hey everybody, thanks for being here.

He knows he can’t hesitate. He sits amidst a pile of rubble, mostly debris from decrepit, antiquated buildings that line an abandoned street. No point in bombing them. They could fall to pieces themselves.

This helicopter, my chariot to fields far flung. This portable broiler, my tank in lands left savage. This battery of cameras, my agents of posterity — because it’s important first to record, then to broadcast.

Remember Y2K? Seems pretty embarrassing now, doesn’t it? Like when you got drunk for the first time. Except on Dec.

Setting this year against the last, it’s been a fairly docile year for the news. No Taser incidents, no high-profile assassinations, no clear instances of Prime Ministerial bribery (save for one unproven allegation).

Some people are always happy to see me. Take this dude, for example. He’s a Wal-Mart greeter, just loves me right tight, wants me to camp out in the aisles, maybe play some Guitar Hero so my eyes glaze over while I hemorrhage pay cheques.

Marge McCaughey*, an 80-something-year-old living in Osoyoos, woke up one morning noticing that her right foot ached. It wasn’t too painful, and Marge didn’t dwell on it much. She was not a drama queen type.

“What’s good for the country is good for General Motors, and vice versa,” said Charles Wilson to the Senate Armed Services Committee, after being reluctant to part with his stock in the company while being confirmed as Secretary of Defense.